30 Comments

Some more D's for you - DARE as in take the leap, take a chance on self-love, risk it all 'cuz what have you got to lose? 'Cuz we all DIE in the end. 'Cuz DEATH is inevitable and helps up to remember what's really important in this lifetime. So why not DARE to DIE? Why not let your old self, your old life, those old lies, those old beliefs go? DECIDE that you're the prize, that you're the one you've been looking for. Choose you. Choose love. All it takes is one DECISION, one commitment - to always love yourself, to always be there for you, through thick and thin, in sickness and health, poverty and wealth, in good times and in bad. Wedded to you. Hopelessly DEVOTED to you. DEVOTED to love, to kindness, compassion, joy, forgiveness, to newness, to acceptance. Because you're DIVINE, half human, half goddess, made up of this oneness, sprouting like a flower from the unified field of everything. Our DIVINITY, our spirituality, is a core piece of us, not just a side part, not an after thought, not something that you just think about on weekends or 20 minutes a day when you're meditating. Dut I DIGRESS, my life is one big train of thought. A DIVERGENCE from the normal, from the expected, from the basic. I'm not trying to follow the crowd, to look like one of them. I am my own person. I am DIFFERENT, unique, one of a kind, a snowflake. Wide awake. Snap, crackle, popping. I'm a firework, exploding on to the scene, coloring space. A comet, leaving stardust in my wake. Tossing love and kindness like confetti, the queen of the parade. I wave gracefully, gratefully to be running this whole show finally. Ok, co-creating with everything.

Expand full comment

Another wonderful comment, Julie, as you DANCE with all the D’s! Truly DIVINE!

Expand full comment

I love this so post so much. I resonate with all of it. Midlife women are breaking free of patriarchy, of old self-limiting beliefs, finding their way back to themselves, back to self-love, to self-trust, to their goodness. Finding their greatness in solitude, in silence, in sangha, in sisterhood, community, in women's circles and retreats. In psychedelics, in microdosing, in plant medicine ceremonies, in choosing to see everything as sacred. Learning to be alchemists, turning water into wine, turning compost into flowers, darkness in to light. Doing mindset work, finding like minded souls sharing their positivity, their messages of love and hope through podcasts, books, videos, articles, social media posts. All we have to do is speak up, speak out, drop the facades, come into authenticity, allow ourselves be vulnerable, to be seen, to say, "Here I am warts and wounds and all. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not fading into the background. I'm not going to become invisible as I age because I presence myself. Because I choose to see myself in a beautiful light. Because I choose growth. I choose my sovereignty. Because I'm responsible for how I show up, for my happiness, for my feelings, my wants, needs, dreams. Because it's up to me to realize them, to prioritize them, to ask for help, to do what it takes. Because this self-love is everything. The main meal. The entre in this life. Love you.

Expand full comment

This comment is eloquent, powerful, inspiring. A manifesto! Thank you for being here & sharing.

Expand full comment

This stuff just flows out of me. I can and do go on and on. Haha

Expand full comment

So many D's! I love it. There is so much to explore in the world of Dating, Desire, Dreams, and Dharma. And we're all so lucky to have you exploring them publicly here on Substack!

Expand full comment

Thanks for helping me brainstorm them!

Expand full comment

I have a similar divorce story, also two years ago, but in my 50s. We navigated it as well as we could, and learning to love myself for the first time has opened me to more love than I've ever had before. Starting over is a glorious, terrifying thing! Thank you for writing about this and for sharing these wonderful resources. I bookmarked a ton of episodes of Hotter Than Ever and can't wait to dig in.

Expand full comment

Hi Anne, so great to have you here!~ I am always heartened to hear more positive divorce stories as we hear about so many awful ones. So excited for you about all that self-love that has opened up for you. And you will love the Hotter than Ever episodes. Erin keeps it so real! It is the most honest, frank and supportive podcast on midlfe women's sexuality, sensuality, post-divorce dating life that I've come across.

Expand full comment

And we need more honest, frank discussion of women's sexuality in midlife and overall! I've found it rather hard to find.

Expand full comment

Amy - as you discover more and more of your destiny, I’ll be here devouring your words. You are one of the delights of Substack.

We evolve and fill into our shapes along the way. Thank goodness.

Pulling the Thread with Elise Loehnen is another great podcast -I believe you & I have mentioned our shared appreciation of this one in the past. This episode in particular really landed for me: When It’s Time to Leave w/Joy Sullivan

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pulling-the-thread-with-elise-loehnen/id1585015034?i=1000652829338

It’s a conversation about risk taking, on and off the page. Joy Sullivan’s poetry is so rich!

Expand full comment

Yes! I love Pulling the Thread and was going to name that one, too, but didn't want the newsletter to get overly long. I need to catch up on what Elise has been up to, and the fascinating people she's been chatting to. The one with Joy Sullivan--oh! I loved that one. Thank you for reminding me. I am making a list of all these great podcasts that speak to the moment of leaving, of taking a big chance, of acting on your bigger yes. Have you read Kelly McMasters The Leaving Season? It's a memoir in essay form, so you may find it interesting structurally as you work on your own memoir.

Expand full comment

Amy - I cannot even tell you how much you and I are on the same brain wave. It actually gives me goosebumps, my kindred friend! I did read the Leaving Season months ago and JUST pulled it off my bookshelf last week because I was talking about it with another writing friend when we were discussing books to look to for stylistic inspiration as I embrace book proposal/ comparable titles, etc.

Thanks for the suggestion xoxoxo

Expand full comment

Depth is the word that resonates for me. Its where I want to spend my time- in conversation, in my work, the depth of inner work, in relationship, in relating to the planet, the universe. It feels related to the preciousness of our lives. And dancing seems good too!

Expand full comment

Depth! Yes, this. Living on the surface of things, skipping like a stone and never really sinking in is how so many of us live. I want to sink in to the preciousness of life, the juiciness, the aliveness, the freshness. This comes from taking risks, having courageous conversations, taking on new perspectives. Midlife is a great time to do these things, to reinvent ourselves, to learn to really love ourselves, others, this world, our lives.

Expand full comment

Depth! Dancing! How wonderful to have these added to my "D" list. Thanks Alecia. I agree with you on the potency of depth. Do you know Ben Howard's song "Depth over Distance." ?It's a beauty. And I love to dance. Most often these days, on my own, as I walk the beach, in my living room..when ever the spirit moves me.

Expand full comment

Wonderful transition in to the new “D’s” of your life. I was curious what path you would take now that some of your “D’s” are behind you, although still part of your life. Your new journey is exciting. Can’t wait to read what you will do next.

Expand full comment

Thank you Sallie! I am curious too.

Expand full comment

Thank you Sallie, for being here and following along! I am excited too....

Expand full comment

Amy, love witnessing your story expand. So many delicious Ds to explore!♡

And as a woman, who post divorce in her 40s through her early 50s enjoyed fabulous flings with younger partners, I can highly recommend the fun of exploration across age. 😀🔥🩷 As a means of self exploration too. I found so often my energy attracted younger partners, so why not enjoy?

Excited for your continued journey ♡

Expand full comment

This is exactly what I've been thinking, my friend. Good to hear your positive expriences.

Expand full comment

Perhaps over iced tea, we can have a fun conversation about the positive aspects of mutually consenting flings 😀

Expand full comment

Mmm....would love that. Let's plan it soon!

Expand full comment

So many D's that Define our Desires. Informed by Dreams we Dawdle, Diddle and Delight Daily.

FYI here's another take:

https://garygruber.substack.com/p/iq-eq-and-dq-desire-quotient

Expand full comment

Ooooh, what great D words, Gary, thank you. Diddle makes me giggle. Will enjoy reading your take on it.

Expand full comment

Hi Amy, I look forward to reading more about your journey as you encounter more Ds - adventures, revelry and fun.

It's been a 'Bridgerton' week here ;-)

Expand full comment

Thank you Victoria, and glad you've been enjoying a Bridgerton week--I don't follow the show, so not sure if that means you are binge watching it or it references something else. You will have to let me know!

Expand full comment

😁 Binge watched the latest season of the series ;-) You may want to start watching it binge-worthy xo

Expand full comment

I can also highly recommend Bridgerton 😜

Expand full comment

I actually don't own a TV anymore and only read these days. It's what calls to me. But if I should want a good series to stream on my computer at some point, I will check it out.

Expand full comment