Dementia has relinquished its grip on my mother. She is free. In my grief, it helps to imagine her dancing with my father to Nina Simone somewhere on that heavenly dance floor, returned to herself.
You are blessed to have been able to be with your mother as she died. I was with my father for the week prior to and during his death at home. I often dwell upon it, peacefully and with warmth and love.
Oh Amy. Sending you so much love and strength. Your words, this gorgeous piece, had my heart beat faster/louder and brought me to tears. Your writing here is as exquisite as the love you have for your mom. The care and deep love you share with your mom has always shined through on the page. Keep writing and sharing that love. She will stay alive in and through you. You are such a devoted daughter. You were her home, too. To be homesick is so hard.
Allison, thank you, my friend, for taking that journey alongside me by reading my words and for reminding me of the love that is the force behind all of it. Yes, I am so homesick now. I am letting the tears flow every day, and feeling it all--the grief, the sadness, the disappointment, the guilt, the regret, the love that pours forth from the sweet, sweet memories. Thanks for the encouragement to keep going.
Thank you so much Elena for for taking the time to read and bearing witness to those sacred moments I tried to express to the best of my ability, with all the love and pain in my heart. Love. That's the beginning and end of it all, isn't it?
Amy, sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I loved her pictures and she reminds me of Judy garland in the wizard of oz in the 2nd one. Endings bring new beginnings and she knows how much she was loved.
Donna, thank you for this kind and thoughtful comment. I love the comparison to Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz, you are so right. She would love that comparison. A favorite movie that she enjoyed watching with her three children.
Amy, I am so sorry. A beautiful tribute to your Mom beyond the heartbreak ❤️🩹 of dementia. Your heart so open and tender as you walk along side her. A sacred and beautiful tribute.
Ah, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thank you. I found it comforting during my mother’s death and funeral that many people reached out to us. I’m sure it will be the same for you and your family. You know how loved she was and it will be wonderful to hear from people who loved her. You will miss your mother daily of course but also at odd times. It’s a discovery living without someone. Thinking of you!
Thank you Sallie for your deep empathy and understanding of the hard work of grief—and at the same time appreciating the incredible gift of having such a loving Mom for so long.
I am so deeply touched by your writing and your loss. I feel you and appreciated the chance to feel my own grief just a little more expansively while reading about your journey and process.
I am holding you in my heart, witnessing you as you walk this path. Thanks for allowing us into your own heart and process with your beautiful and evocative writing.
You are such a gifted writer. I am awed that you could sit down and write this beautiful tribute to your mom as you grieve her loss. Your devotion to her is a testament to your mom and the family bonds that she nurtured. In time, I hope you will find solace and knowing you were with her as she transitioned, losing your parent is one of greatest sorrows.
It is through writing that I can process my pain. It is through writing that I process everything. My mother knew that about me and was my biggest cheerleader. For that, and so much more, I am so grateful. Thank you, Eileen, for these kind words. They touch me deeply.
My deepest heartfelt condolences, Amy. Sending hugs and playing some Sinatra or Bennett in her honour. Thank you for sharing. Sitting alongside you. Here with you.
Oh Victoria, how lovely you are listening to Mom's favorite music. I feel you sitting alongside me. You know how hard that this kind of loss is. Thank you for being here.
Så vackert du berättar om kärlek och avsked, Amy! Den 18 april är det 5 år sedan min mamma lämnade efter flera år i demensens värld. Så igenkänning är stor. All kärlek till dig och de dina❤️
Didi, thank you for writing such a heartfelt comment. There is something so especially heartbreaking to lose a parent to dementia. We feel lucky that Mom recognized all her loved ones until the end. And knew she was loved and held with such care. Sending a stor kram!
Amy ❤️ You’ve brought to me tears. Tears from my own familiar places of grief but so much more. This is love. Glorious love, and I’m so honored to know you. Thank you for your open, courageous heart. It has touched mine deeply this morning. As I walk beside my own mother in her dementia, your words and songs bring me such a steady flow of comfort. 🙏🏻🦋
Jennifer, thank you for this beautiful share. I am glad that what I shared could bring you some comfort as you walk beside your mother. Cherish every moment. And know that it will be enough. The love we show each other is all that matters.
Dearest Amy, sending so much love to you on the loss of your beloved mother. I'm imagining her dancing with your dad and her cat Picasso. I'm wrapping you in the gentlest hug.
Your writing of your journey is such a profoundly beautiful tribute to your mother, your love for each other and what a healthy, caring, loving mother daughter relationship looks like. Thank you so much for sharing.
My question to you is, in what ways would you like to keep Freda your mother alive in you and with you?
Kristin, thank you for this beautiful witnessing of what I tried to convey here, a kind of bearing witness that I felt compelled to capture and share. Grief is so universal and yet unique to each of us in how we experience it. I am honored by the way you regard the relationship I had with my mother which was very special--the kind of love I wish for all mothers and daughters although I know life is far too complex and sometimes painful for that to be the case. And that question! I think it may be the prompt for a future essay. It is THE question, isn't it? And I thank you for posing it, because it takes me away from guilt and regret and loss toward how I can move forward in love and light and carry her within me.
I'm so grateful my question, "in what ways would you like to keep Freda your mother alive in you and with you?" resonates and has you thinking, in what ways it may allow you to move in love and light and carry her with you. The question i ask qas inspired by a Narrative Practice called, Saying Hello again. ♡♡♡♡♡
My mother’s last words were “I’m sorry”. Even in dying, she didn’t want to be a burden, to make us sad. That is hard for me to remember. I’m sorry to hear about your mother, Amy. She was special.
Thank you Sallie for your kind words. Ah, that is so tender and heart-breaking, what your Mom said as she was dying. I don't think that's uncommon, to say "I'm sorry," and I hope you can think of it in terms that she was so sorry to leave you because she loved you so much.
I read your beautiful memories of your mother's last days on earth with tears in my eyes. I am in awe of the love and grace you held your mother tightly in your hands, heart and spirit as she completed her long life. No one could've asked for a better daughter than you, Amy.
These passages touched me deeply and made my heart pound:
"We had wanted more time. You always do. Yet this has been the unexpected gift of the long goodbye of dementia; I have been preparing myself for a long time. And while so much was lost to her and to us as dementia tightened its grip, this never changed: she loved us right until the end, this incredible woman who taught us to love so well."
"But then I remind myself. It was dementia that stole her memories. We—her loving family—were her memory keepers. And when we touched her, held her hand, we did understand what happiness was. We did our best to usher her into a new day."
I can imagine nothing greater than the gift of her love for you, which you continue to gift to the world through your friendship and your creative expression. I appreciate what a deep loss this feels to you, and indeed, our attachment to the woman who gave life to us is without any doubt the strongest. I'm mourning with you, and holding you in my love through this very difficult time of griefing.
I am so grateful for this beautiful comment, Louisa, feeling deeply your witnessing of me and this journey I was on with my mother, and my desire to be with her fully and vulnerably and with heart open. Thank you for your kind words about the way I try to carry on the gift of love my mother taught me.
Dear Amy,
You are blessed to have been able to be with your mother as she died. I was with my father for the week prior to and during his death at home. I often dwell upon it, peacefully and with warmth and love.
It is a blessing when that is possible, Ron. Thank you.
What a beautifully written piece dedicated to the memory of your mom. She is at peace and dancing away with your dad. God bless🙏🏻
Thank you Julie 💗
Oh Amy. Sending you so much love and strength. Your words, this gorgeous piece, had my heart beat faster/louder and brought me to tears. Your writing here is as exquisite as the love you have for your mom. The care and deep love you share with your mom has always shined through on the page. Keep writing and sharing that love. She will stay alive in and through you. You are such a devoted daughter. You were her home, too. To be homesick is so hard.
Holding you in my heart and mind, dear friend.
Allison, thank you, my friend, for taking that journey alongside me by reading my words and for reminding me of the love that is the force behind all of it. Yes, I am so homesick now. I am letting the tears flow every day, and feeling it all--the grief, the sadness, the disappointment, the guilt, the regret, the love that pours forth from the sweet, sweet memories. Thanks for the encouragement to keep going.
Absolutely stunning. The details. Her hoodie sweatshirt, her peaceful exit, her husband awaiting her.
Thank you so much Elena for for taking the time to read and bearing witness to those sacred moments I tried to express to the best of my ability, with all the love and pain in my heart. Love. That's the beginning and end of it all, isn't it?
Amy, sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I loved her pictures and she reminds me of Judy garland in the wizard of oz in the 2nd one. Endings bring new beginnings and she knows how much she was loved.
Donna, thank you for this kind and thoughtful comment. I love the comparison to Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz, you are so right. She would love that comparison. A favorite movie that she enjoyed watching with her three children.
Amy, I am so sorry. A beautiful tribute to your Mom beyond the heartbreak ❤️🩹 of dementia. Your heart so open and tender as you walk along side her. A sacred and beautiful tribute.
I appreciate this comment deeply. ‘Sacred’ feels like the right word.
💖
Beautifully shared. My condolences.
Thank you Ciara💗
Ah, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thank you. I found it comforting during my mother’s death and funeral that many people reached out to us. I’m sure it will be the same for you and your family. You know how loved she was and it will be wonderful to hear from people who loved her. You will miss your mother daily of course but also at odd times. It’s a discovery living without someone. Thinking of you!
Thank you Sallie for your deep empathy and understanding of the hard work of grief—and at the same time appreciating the incredible gift of having such a loving Mom for so long.
I am so deeply touched by your writing and your loss. I feel you and appreciated the chance to feel my own grief just a little more expansively while reading about your journey and process.
I am holding you in my heart, witnessing you as you walk this path. Thanks for allowing us into your own heart and process with your beautiful and evocative writing.
Thank you so much for these kind words, Deb, and for witnessing me and this difficult loss with such empathy.
You are such a gifted writer. I am awed that you could sit down and write this beautiful tribute to your mom as you grieve her loss. Your devotion to her is a testament to your mom and the family bonds that she nurtured. In time, I hope you will find solace and knowing you were with her as she transitioned, losing your parent is one of greatest sorrows.
It is through writing that I can process my pain. It is through writing that I process everything. My mother knew that about me and was my biggest cheerleader. For that, and so much more, I am so grateful. Thank you, Eileen, for these kind words. They touch me deeply.
My deepest heartfelt condolences, Amy. Sending hugs and playing some Sinatra or Bennett in her honour. Thank you for sharing. Sitting alongside you. Here with you.
Oh Victoria, how lovely you are listening to Mom's favorite music. I feel you sitting alongside me. You know how hard that this kind of loss is. Thank you for being here.
Big hug, Amy.
Så vackert du berättar om kärlek och avsked, Amy! Den 18 april är det 5 år sedan min mamma lämnade efter flera år i demensens värld. Så igenkänning är stor. All kärlek till dig och de dina❤️
Didi, thank you for writing such a heartfelt comment. There is something so especially heartbreaking to lose a parent to dementia. We feel lucky that Mom recognized all her loved ones until the end. And knew she was loved and held with such care. Sending a stor kram!
Amy ❤️ You’ve brought to me tears. Tears from my own familiar places of grief but so much more. This is love. Glorious love, and I’m so honored to know you. Thank you for your open, courageous heart. It has touched mine deeply this morning. As I walk beside my own mother in her dementia, your words and songs bring me such a steady flow of comfort. 🙏🏻🦋
Jennifer, thank you for this beautiful share. I am glad that what I shared could bring you some comfort as you walk beside your mother. Cherish every moment. And know that it will be enough. The love we show each other is all that matters.
Dearest Amy, sending so much love to you on the loss of your beloved mother. I'm imagining her dancing with your dad and her cat Picasso. I'm wrapping you in the gentlest hug.
Your writing of your journey is such a profoundly beautiful tribute to your mother, your love for each other and what a healthy, caring, loving mother daughter relationship looks like. Thank you so much for sharing.
My question to you is, in what ways would you like to keep Freda your mother alive in you and with you?
More love from my heart to yours,
Kristin
Kristin, thank you for this beautiful witnessing of what I tried to convey here, a kind of bearing witness that I felt compelled to capture and share. Grief is so universal and yet unique to each of us in how we experience it. I am honored by the way you regard the relationship I had with my mother which was very special--the kind of love I wish for all mothers and daughters although I know life is far too complex and sometimes painful for that to be the case. And that question! I think it may be the prompt for a future essay. It is THE question, isn't it? And I thank you for posing it, because it takes me away from guilt and regret and loss toward how I can move forward in love and light and carry her within me.
More love sent.
I'm so grateful my question, "in what ways would you like to keep Freda your mother alive in you and with you?" resonates and has you thinking, in what ways it may allow you to move in love and light and carry her with you. The question i ask qas inspired by a Narrative Practice called, Saying Hello again. ♡♡♡♡♡
Love this concept of Saying Hello again & we must talk more about it sometime.💗
Yes! Happy to talk with you about Hello Again whenever you feel is the time that fits for you. Much love. 🩷🩷🩷🤗🤗🤗
My mother’s last words were “I’m sorry”. Even in dying, she didn’t want to be a burden, to make us sad. That is hard for me to remember. I’m sorry to hear about your mother, Amy. She was special.
Thank you Sallie for your kind words. Ah, that is so tender and heart-breaking, what your Mom said as she was dying. I don't think that's uncommon, to say "I'm sorry," and I hope you can think of it in terms that she was so sorry to leave you because she loved you so much.
Dearest Amy,
I read your beautiful memories of your mother's last days on earth with tears in my eyes. I am in awe of the love and grace you held your mother tightly in your hands, heart and spirit as she completed her long life. No one could've asked for a better daughter than you, Amy.
These passages touched me deeply and made my heart pound:
"We had wanted more time. You always do. Yet this has been the unexpected gift of the long goodbye of dementia; I have been preparing myself for a long time. And while so much was lost to her and to us as dementia tightened its grip, this never changed: she loved us right until the end, this incredible woman who taught us to love so well."
"But then I remind myself. It was dementia that stole her memories. We—her loving family—were her memory keepers. And when we touched her, held her hand, we did understand what happiness was. We did our best to usher her into a new day."
I can imagine nothing greater than the gift of her love for you, which you continue to gift to the world through your friendship and your creative expression. I appreciate what a deep loss this feels to you, and indeed, our attachment to the woman who gave life to us is without any doubt the strongest. I'm mourning with you, and holding you in my love through this very difficult time of griefing.
I am so grateful for this beautiful comment, Louisa, feeling deeply your witnessing of me and this journey I was on with my mother, and my desire to be with her fully and vulnerably and with heart open. Thank you for your kind words about the way I try to carry on the gift of love my mother taught me.