Is it being a woman? A woman of a certain age? Societal expectations? My own unreasonable demands of myself that I can't let go of? I know the answer but I don't like it.
What incredible words and reflections. Taking control, being our own CEO; wise words and something we all should do. Silence is hard and feeling is hard. But listening to our needs and true desires would make our lives so much more meaningful.
Love your whole post and just subscribed. The 3 Ds and corresponding songs. The Letter from Love, a practice I’m doing too. (Mixing it up with Julia Cameron’s letter from guidance. They are connected but have different tones!)
I seem to have happily discovered the Divorce corner of the Stack and I just started one too: AD: Approaching Divorce/Artist Dates.
And I also work on the consuming that/creating balance as a solopreneur /CEO as well. I tell my kids, especially my son, who is a writer, “if you’re consuming, you’re not creating!” I try to be mindful and pull myself out of the content holes. Even luscious ones, as found here.
Elena, how lovely to meet you and have you join me in Living in 3D! Thank you for those kind words. It is certainly kismet that you found me (3D and AD!:-) given that you are writing about AD: Approaching Divorce and Artist's Dates. Wishing you the very best in that transition and glad you are prioritizing your artist self (and reminder to self to restart my own artist's dates that Julia Cameron planted so many years ago when I first read the Artist's Way. I am subscribed now and look forward to getting to know each other and support one another through a similar journey. Very happy to know you are a Letters from Love "lovelet," too. Would love to hear more about Julia Cameron's letter from guidance. Is that from her new book? And yes, the Divorce corner of Substack indeed. We're here and no doubt growing; seems midlife and divorce for many women do go hand in hand. Do you know Cindy DiTiberio's The Mother Lode? She has started a series called The Divorce Diaries. Check it out.
Thank you for all this. Will check out The Mother Load. So much good here. I can go down the rabbit hole. Do you know Kimberly Harrington’s stack and work as well?
I do subscribe to Kimberly as well...as I have shared here I subscribe to far too many newsletters but I can't help myself. I could spend all day reading and connecting with the great conversations happening on Substack.
Amy, what a beautiful inner exploration with a tremendous amount of courage to be vulnerable on the page! Those self inquiries of yours were met with a healthy dose of challenge from our dear coach, Deb. What you reflected here are really precious. I love the discussion on making space in your mind and opening the door to your house in the woods. What a vivid imagery!
I recently learned about the psychotherapeutic modality called "focusing." It helps us clear the space to listen to a "felt sense" inside our body that needs our attention and speaks to us quietly. As master focuser and meditation teacher David Rome said: "Your Body Knows the Answer." If a difficult sensation or emotion comes up during focusing, it isn't a sign that there's anything wrong. As Eugene Gendlin, founder of Focusing, said, "Nothing that feels bad is truly the last step."
You're so courageous to take those feelings that were difficulty into further self-inquiry. I wish you many more tears and connections with the whole range of emotions that are waiting inside to greet you.
BTW, thanks for mentioning me and citing my article on tears. To answer your prompt, I think it's really hard to create more than you consume. I have had a tough attempt last year as described in my essay here: https://lilypond.substack.com/p/experimenting-with-psychological
But recently I have been drawn to consume a great deal of excellent content here on Substack, and so I'm struggling to make space to create my own! Well, I do believe that our rhythms change from time to time. They are like the tide. After a lot of consumption, I get full and will naturally want to take a break. As far as being my own CEO is concerned... well, that's a tough one. I utterly failed when I was running my own solopreneur business and got burnt out. Currently I'm just concerned with being my own leader in life and that's a handful, LOL!
Such wonderful and thoughtful comments, Louisa, thank you for taking the time. The "focusing" insight was really helpful to hear about and I love that quote about how your body knows the answer. So true! And yet how easy it is not to listen. "Nothing that feels bad is truly the last step." Wow! That's an encouraging statement. Often, it's just the beginning, right, the start of awakening to something your body--your soul--is trying to tell you. Thanks for linking to your article. Everyone should read it! And finally I think you are doing a great job as the leader of your life. Hugs!
Amy, when I heard that quote by Gendlin today, I was blown away. So succinct and true! It really is a great encouragement for us to go deeper in and not giving up on feeling and listening. And thanks for witnessing my journey of putting my Self in the driver's seat. I'm witnessing yours unfold right in front of my eyes, too. Hugs!
A courageous, fear-walking vulnerable post. Thank you, Amy! I hear you. A big empathetic hug.
All of your reasons and thoughts that you've expressed resonate. Personally, I think caregivers - (the full all-encompassing definition) lose themselves, surrender part of their identity in service of others...redefining, and reimagining 'who we are' and what we want to do with our time is a fluid- transformation. Being a caregiver (to parents, to children, to others) AND being an independent whole person can feel conflicting.
Curiously experimenting in small ways has made the steps forward less daunting for me. Leveraging various self-development exercises has helped guide my way forward. 'Leaps' are too scary after everything I've endured. Curiously growing and learning (as you already do) with greater time and space to really digest 'gems' is what works for me and feels more self-compassionate than the 'old days' of pushing. I lean into Susan David's definitions of Values, and how we practice emotional agility.
if you're clear of the 'what's', exploring and doing small experiments - 'the How's', could be the key??
(In my experience: There is no perfect formula or action. When I knew I'd restart the Website here - I removed myself from Insta, FB. I increased my mentoring fees. decided not to take on new clients. I already only take clients by referral...and I'm still calibrating to see if I need to reduce time/posting, as it's already drawing too much of my time away from Mum). I hope this offers some empathetic food for thought.
Victoria, so much to explore here and ponder! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your own journey with leaps and the wiser path of small, curious, intentional steps in the direction in which you feel led. And I appreciate that you reference the all-encompassing definition of caregiver which so many of us are--at various levels of intensity during our lives--and that risk of surrendering one's identity. I see it so often in some of the Facebook groups I belong to for people caring for loved ones with dementia. So much suffering and emotional pain among these caregivers because their needs are not being met, it breaks my heart. Which is why I like how you emphasize self-compassion and this term "emotional agility." Do share more about Susan David and her Values teaching. I am curious. And I appreciate learning how you worked out a way to build your community and presence here in a way that felt more balanced. Today I had to give a price estimate for a writing assignment to a client and I went for a higher than usual fee and it didn't seem to faze him at all. A win for my inner CEO!
Thank you so much for the kind mention, Amy. And I resonate with your beautiful, powerful share in so many ways. As a fellow solopreneur, I’m long overdue for a serious sit down with my internal CEO! And what you speak of here regarding silence and consumption versus creation feels like air to me. Meaning, I can’t breathe without enough solitude, silence, and “empty space” to feel, think, and create. This gets at the essence of my minimalist ways when it comes to physical and digital consumption. It’s like, my system overheats and goes haywire if I choose otherwise (which I know from trying to choose otherwise). And yet…I’m still devoting far too much of my life to The Things That Pay The Bills. I’m deeply grateful for that work, but it’s not my life’s work.
Sending blessings for much courage and serenity as you swim in these waters, Amy. And heart-sourced gratitude for how you’re sharing and inspiring.
Dana, such a lovely and thoughtful response. I so appreciate it! This air that you depend on; I am starting to let myself breathe more about it, taking the time to calm my nervous system as I adjust to more solitude and silence and empty space, as you say, to feel, think and create. Right here, right now, that sabbatical is there for the taking and your words remind me of it. I like how you extend the idea of minimalism to your mind as well. And yes, I get that dilemma of being grateful for the things that pay the bills while gritting your teeth because you are longing to do the things that fill your soul. The everlasting pursuit of balance!
Amy - this one is my favorite piece from you (and what you write always goes straight to my heart). What a gorgeous exploration on what we might find when we consume less and create more.
This one was like holding a mirror to my face! Me too. Constantly streaming other voices in my ears, others’ words towards my eyes. What happens when we stop distracting ourselves from the emotions that rise in the dark? In the silence? In the company of just ourself?
Ooof. Lots to reflect on here. Thank you for the nudge to return to these questions- ones I’ve been kicking up then ignoring. I slide right back into constant consuming so easily.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this essay. I’ve learned that my tears, when I really let them fall, often do result in me carrying a lighter load. I’ve always been a crier and felt embarrassment or shame over how easily my eyes will well up. I’m learning to step out of that shame. Your words here help me. 🙏🏼
Allison, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. I remembered you had written about this topic, too, and were going to take a break the whole month of January from podcasts--how is that going? And yes, good for you for starting to step away from the shame of tears. So glad my words helped you. I had a little cry today, when I listened to a song. Music is often a conduit for me to access my deepest emotions, so that's a way of consuming that can actually be very cathartic.
"By consuming less, I would create more." A really interesting formulation. Thank you for such a stimulating exploration of how we push our creativity to the side of our lives. And good luck being CEO!
Thank you for that thoughtful comment, Jeffrey and for reading my piece. I've subscribed to your newsletter, too. Literature and travel and life abroad, all favorite topics of mine, having lived in Europe for 22 years (Sweden and Malta) and traveled widely. Travel is one of my favorite things to do. Your piece on spending time on the beach with Pablo Neruda I look forward to reading--and I am glad you have now discovered Mary Oliver, whose poetry I love. There are these lines that echo all the time in my mind--it's such a clear call to pursue our creativity or whatever the persistent cry of our heart might be:
Hi Nicole, I am so glad this resonated with you and that we are not alone in being tempted to go on strike from our "lousy boss" selves. And yes, about having the sabbatical be exactly where I find myself in the present moment--that was another edge Deb pushed a little when she challenged me to think about whether I would always be looking for the next trip or experience to realize my dream--when in fact the dream is right there, for the taking, if I choose to see it that way.
What incredible words and reflections. Taking control, being our own CEO; wise words and something we all should do. Silence is hard and feeling is hard. But listening to our needs and true desires would make our lives so much more meaningful.
Love your whole post and just subscribed. The 3 Ds and corresponding songs. The Letter from Love, a practice I’m doing too. (Mixing it up with Julia Cameron’s letter from guidance. They are connected but have different tones!)
I seem to have happily discovered the Divorce corner of the Stack and I just started one too: AD: Approaching Divorce/Artist Dates.
And I also work on the consuming that/creating balance as a solopreneur /CEO as well. I tell my kids, especially my son, who is a writer, “if you’re consuming, you’re not creating!” I try to be mindful and pull myself out of the content holes. Even luscious ones, as found here.
Elena, how lovely to meet you and have you join me in Living in 3D! Thank you for those kind words. It is certainly kismet that you found me (3D and AD!:-) given that you are writing about AD: Approaching Divorce and Artist's Dates. Wishing you the very best in that transition and glad you are prioritizing your artist self (and reminder to self to restart my own artist's dates that Julia Cameron planted so many years ago when I first read the Artist's Way. I am subscribed now and look forward to getting to know each other and support one another through a similar journey. Very happy to know you are a Letters from Love "lovelet," too. Would love to hear more about Julia Cameron's letter from guidance. Is that from her new book? And yes, the Divorce corner of Substack indeed. We're here and no doubt growing; seems midlife and divorce for many women do go hand in hand. Do you know Cindy DiTiberio's The Mother Lode? She has started a series called The Divorce Diaries. Check it out.
Thank you for all this. Will check out The Mother Load. So much good here. I can go down the rabbit hole. Do you know Kimberly Harrington’s stack and work as well?
I do subscribe to Kimberly as well...as I have shared here I subscribe to far too many newsletters but I can't help myself. I could spend all day reading and connecting with the great conversations happening on Substack.
Amy, what a beautiful inner exploration with a tremendous amount of courage to be vulnerable on the page! Those self inquiries of yours were met with a healthy dose of challenge from our dear coach, Deb. What you reflected here are really precious. I love the discussion on making space in your mind and opening the door to your house in the woods. What a vivid imagery!
I recently learned about the psychotherapeutic modality called "focusing." It helps us clear the space to listen to a "felt sense" inside our body that needs our attention and speaks to us quietly. As master focuser and meditation teacher David Rome said: "Your Body Knows the Answer." If a difficult sensation or emotion comes up during focusing, it isn't a sign that there's anything wrong. As Eugene Gendlin, founder of Focusing, said, "Nothing that feels bad is truly the last step."
You're so courageous to take those feelings that were difficulty into further self-inquiry. I wish you many more tears and connections with the whole range of emotions that are waiting inside to greet you.
BTW, thanks for mentioning me and citing my article on tears. To answer your prompt, I think it's really hard to create more than you consume. I have had a tough attempt last year as described in my essay here: https://lilypond.substack.com/p/experimenting-with-psychological
But recently I have been drawn to consume a great deal of excellent content here on Substack, and so I'm struggling to make space to create my own! Well, I do believe that our rhythms change from time to time. They are like the tide. After a lot of consumption, I get full and will naturally want to take a break. As far as being my own CEO is concerned... well, that's a tough one. I utterly failed when I was running my own solopreneur business and got burnt out. Currently I'm just concerned with being my own leader in life and that's a handful, LOL!
Such wonderful and thoughtful comments, Louisa, thank you for taking the time. The "focusing" insight was really helpful to hear about and I love that quote about how your body knows the answer. So true! And yet how easy it is not to listen. "Nothing that feels bad is truly the last step." Wow! That's an encouraging statement. Often, it's just the beginning, right, the start of awakening to something your body--your soul--is trying to tell you. Thanks for linking to your article. Everyone should read it! And finally I think you are doing a great job as the leader of your life. Hugs!
Amy, when I heard that quote by Gendlin today, I was blown away. So succinct and true! It really is a great encouragement for us to go deeper in and not giving up on feeling and listening. And thanks for witnessing my journey of putting my Self in the driver's seat. I'm witnessing yours unfold right in front of my eyes, too. Hugs!
A courageous, fear-walking vulnerable post. Thank you, Amy! I hear you. A big empathetic hug.
All of your reasons and thoughts that you've expressed resonate. Personally, I think caregivers - (the full all-encompassing definition) lose themselves, surrender part of their identity in service of others...redefining, and reimagining 'who we are' and what we want to do with our time is a fluid- transformation. Being a caregiver (to parents, to children, to others) AND being an independent whole person can feel conflicting.
Curiously experimenting in small ways has made the steps forward less daunting for me. Leveraging various self-development exercises has helped guide my way forward. 'Leaps' are too scary after everything I've endured. Curiously growing and learning (as you already do) with greater time and space to really digest 'gems' is what works for me and feels more self-compassionate than the 'old days' of pushing. I lean into Susan David's definitions of Values, and how we practice emotional agility.
if you're clear of the 'what's', exploring and doing small experiments - 'the How's', could be the key??
(In my experience: There is no perfect formula or action. When I knew I'd restart the Website here - I removed myself from Insta, FB. I increased my mentoring fees. decided not to take on new clients. I already only take clients by referral...and I'm still calibrating to see if I need to reduce time/posting, as it's already drawing too much of my time away from Mum). I hope this offers some empathetic food for thought.
Victoria, so much to explore here and ponder! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your own journey with leaps and the wiser path of small, curious, intentional steps in the direction in which you feel led. And I appreciate that you reference the all-encompassing definition of caregiver which so many of us are--at various levels of intensity during our lives--and that risk of surrendering one's identity. I see it so often in some of the Facebook groups I belong to for people caring for loved ones with dementia. So much suffering and emotional pain among these caregivers because their needs are not being met, it breaks my heart. Which is why I like how you emphasize self-compassion and this term "emotional agility." Do share more about Susan David and her Values teaching. I am curious. And I appreciate learning how you worked out a way to build your community and presence here in a way that felt more balanced. Today I had to give a price estimate for a writing assignment to a client and I went for a higher than usual fee and it didn't seem to faze him at all. A win for my inner CEO!
Snaps and 'High-five'g' You go, Amy!
Oh gosh - you'll be blown away by Susan Davids work - I've now linked to the article I did (one of my earliest) within the Enablers article - you'll see it reference in the Resonance TOC too : https://www.carermentor.com/p/susan-davids-tedtalk-november-2017?r=a9y7d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Thanks for highlighting and asking for more info...I'll share more of how she has positively impacted me.
Thank you so much for the kind mention, Amy. And I resonate with your beautiful, powerful share in so many ways. As a fellow solopreneur, I’m long overdue for a serious sit down with my internal CEO! And what you speak of here regarding silence and consumption versus creation feels like air to me. Meaning, I can’t breathe without enough solitude, silence, and “empty space” to feel, think, and create. This gets at the essence of my minimalist ways when it comes to physical and digital consumption. It’s like, my system overheats and goes haywire if I choose otherwise (which I know from trying to choose otherwise). And yet…I’m still devoting far too much of my life to The Things That Pay The Bills. I’m deeply grateful for that work, but it’s not my life’s work.
Sending blessings for much courage and serenity as you swim in these waters, Amy. And heart-sourced gratitude for how you’re sharing and inspiring.
Dana, such a lovely and thoughtful response. I so appreciate it! This air that you depend on; I am starting to let myself breathe more about it, taking the time to calm my nervous system as I adjust to more solitude and silence and empty space, as you say, to feel, think and create. Right here, right now, that sabbatical is there for the taking and your words remind me of it. I like how you extend the idea of minimalism to your mind as well. And yes, I get that dilemma of being grateful for the things that pay the bills while gritting your teeth because you are longing to do the things that fill your soul. The everlasting pursuit of balance!
So poignant and personal. And exactly the clarity and encouragement I need... today! Thank you! 🤗
Mara, I am so glad it resonated with you and gave you encouragement today, that is the greatest compliment I could receive...from my heart to yours.
Amy - this one is my favorite piece from you (and what you write always goes straight to my heart). What a gorgeous exploration on what we might find when we consume less and create more.
This one was like holding a mirror to my face! Me too. Constantly streaming other voices in my ears, others’ words towards my eyes. What happens when we stop distracting ourselves from the emotions that rise in the dark? In the silence? In the company of just ourself?
Ooof. Lots to reflect on here. Thank you for the nudge to return to these questions- ones I’ve been kicking up then ignoring. I slide right back into constant consuming so easily.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this essay. I’ve learned that my tears, when I really let them fall, often do result in me carrying a lighter load. I’ve always been a crier and felt embarrassment or shame over how easily my eyes will well up. I’m learning to step out of that shame. Your words here help me. 🙏🏼
I second you, Allison. This is my favorite piece from Amy so far! Looking forward to more!
Allison, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. I remembered you had written about this topic, too, and were going to take a break the whole month of January from podcasts--how is that going? And yes, good for you for starting to step away from the shame of tears. So glad my words helped you. I had a little cry today, when I listened to a song. Music is often a conduit for me to access my deepest emotions, so that's a way of consuming that can actually be very cathartic.
"By consuming less, I would create more." A really interesting formulation. Thank you for such a stimulating exploration of how we push our creativity to the side of our lives. And good luck being CEO!
Thank you for that thoughtful comment, Jeffrey and for reading my piece. I've subscribed to your newsletter, too. Literature and travel and life abroad, all favorite topics of mine, having lived in Europe for 22 years (Sweden and Malta) and traveled widely. Travel is one of my favorite things to do. Your piece on spending time on the beach with Pablo Neruda I look forward to reading--and I am glad you have now discovered Mary Oliver, whose poetry I love. There are these lines that echo all the time in my mind--it's such a clear call to pursue our creativity or whatever the persistent cry of our heart might be:
There are moments that cry out to be fulfilled.
Like, telling someone you love them.
Or giving your money away, all of it.
Your heart is beating, isn't it?
You're not in chains, are you?
There is nothing more pathetic than caution
when headlong might save a life,
even, possibly, your own.”
Beautiful lines. Thank you.
Hi Nicole, I am so glad this resonated with you and that we are not alone in being tempted to go on strike from our "lousy boss" selves. And yes, about having the sabbatical be exactly where I find myself in the present moment--that was another edge Deb pushed a little when she challenged me to think about whether I would always be looking for the next trip or experience to realize my dream--when in fact the dream is right there, for the taking, if I choose to see it that way.