If the body is a borrowed vessel for the spirit that moves within me, then I am every age I have ever been. But now, at 64, I belong to myself as never before.
Beautiful work, Amy. I'll be 64 in March, and life has moved so quickly, and seems to be moving even faster the older I get. I'm more content, more happy than I've ever been. I'm grateful to be my age, and to be able to take the stories of my lifetime and finally tell them. Life is full of gifts and grace and we owe ourselves the permission to look in the mirror and see the woman smiling back at us and say, "You are beautiful, you have always been beautiful, and you will always be beautiful." Aging has enriched me in more ways than I can express, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen how good it will get. That's my hope. Sending love to you.
Thank you, Nan. I can see we are precisely on the same page as regards owning all our years and looking forward to the good fortune of many years more. Mirror, mirror on the wall, I see you and I love all of you. So appreciate this beautiful and inspiring comment, my friend.
Thank you, Amy, for sharing your sweet, thorough, and inspiring reflections and insights on aging. Some of these statistics blew my mind and my heart breaks to think about the idea that it’s insecurities that may drive us to get Botox or grey coverage. Pam Anderson is another celebrity that is inspiring me lately, no makeup, no problem. May we all have the good fortune to grow old. Wrinkles and all!
Katie, thank you so much for reading and leaving this thoughtful comment. I have also seen Pam Anderson's embrace of her aging and it is truly inspirational. Yes, it IS a good fortune to grow old. None of us want the alternative. So glad you are with me on this journey and that we can work against these aging insecurities together. Much love!
Ladies this is absolutely beautiful. Amy thank you for your words of wisdom regarding aging, it’s top of all our minds these days. I was so excited to hear Marielles voice. She seems to have adopted your knack for speaking so eloquently. Marielle I loved your poem and everything you shared! Every time I listen it the takes me one step closer to climbing the Camino, although it won’t be for a few years for me. When I listen to you both my mind forms a picture of the scene and I feel like I’m there. Marielle I’m looking for to your future publications (?) can’t remember if that’s what you called it. Thank you both for starting my day off right!!
Jen, thank you taking time to read and comment, that means so much and I've appreciated all our discussions on aging. Also thank you for going back and listening to the co-authored Camino series with my daughter Marielle. I am so glad our narration planted such a vivid picture in your mind. That's what every writer hopes for. Her Substack is called @The Adventure Agenda and is well worth subscribing to for planning future travel or just doing some comfy armchair travel in the winter months. https://mariellemeanders.substack.com/
Thank you for this wonderful essay, Amy, and all the informative links you provided. I like that you addressed how our numerical age is a number that matters. “I know you sometimes look at your numerical age, 64, with chagrin, dismay, even fear…You are the all ages you have ever been; nothing is ever lost.”
I often hear people groan about an upcoming birthday, upset at turning another year older. My husband literally cried when he turned 20(!!) because to him it signaled adulthood and the end of his carefree childhood. I wish I had told him he will always carry his childhood with him and that we can find ways to bring what we loved about our childhood selves with us.
I always think (and sometimes say, depending on the person) “would you rather not be reaching this age?” The alternative is to no longer be alive on this earth, so I embrace each yearly increase in my age. That’s not to say I don’t have those “I’m how old now?” moments, but it’s more an incredulity than despair - I hope that doesn’t change as I get older!
I don’t think I would alter my naturally aging face, but I am working hard to combat my aging body through exercise and being more mindful of the variety of food I eat. I do catch myself wishing I had less wrinkles and more plumpness in my cheeks, but then I think I finally have the cheekbones I always wanted! My inner ageist comes up when I feel like I look older than people 10 years or more older than me! I have to keep reminding myself that everyone ages differently, and some people take measures to look younger. It’s hard to fight that compulsion to compare oneself with others in this society that devalues naturally aging faces.
Tracey, thank you for these thoughtful comments, for engaging so deeply with the topic and the questions I posed for myself and for readers. That means so much! It's not too late is it to tell your husband that wise observation about his childhood self. And yes, the alternative to aging is no longer being alive and none of us wants that. You made me smile with the optimistic way you look at your cheekbones now--the silver lining of your older face! Glad you are aware of and push against your inner ageist. It is definitely not easy in. our society. I think a great antidote, for me, is to listen to every episode of Julia Louis Dreyfus' podcast "Wiser Than Me" Do you know it? These women in their 70s, 80s, 90s are defiantly embracing their beauty at every age and it is inspiring.
Aaaahhhh…. Aging😎😍😆..a subject my mind has an aversion to. I really like this sharing and all the references and books and quotes I really appreciate it. We are all in this boat together! That comforts me as well. I was watching this reel with Emma Thompson and she said she looks in the mirror sometimes and just thinks( use a thick British accent here) “that’s just wrong!”😂
You definitely have to have a sense of humor. Because truly what matters is what’s inside! If someone is happy with wrinkles and brown teeth they are so much easier to be around then a bitter prude who’s sad of getting old.(I’m telling myself) So just let it shine, be disciplined and stay in shape, we have a choice! Thank you Amy for allowing me to vent a little…😅phew! I feel better now. ❤️
I get it, Amy, and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic of aging, even though I recognize the desire to avoid thinking about it. That Emma Thompson quote made me smile. Yes, a sense of humor gives us perspective and keeps us young! I totally agree: what truly matters is inside. So glad I gave you a space for venting, my friend. As for your word "disciplined," I feel "devotion" works for me better. I am devoted to this beautiful, healthy, strong body that does so much for me and has taken me so far in life and I want to continue to be devoted to it and celebrate it and keep it strong and vibrant. "Disciplined" can be a double-edged sword for me, in which I don't measure up to the discipline I impose on myself. Isn't it interesting how a word can shift our mindsets, and that for each of us it is different words and messages that inspire us?
Beautiful essay, Amy. Embrace it all, (you always do) and I feel empowered inhaling your words.
The older I get, the more intrigued I am with shadow work. I love Richard Rohr’s work on this - his Falling Upward approach on the two “halves” of life. His work was the first that introduced me to this idea that the big surprise on the human journey is that we come to full consciousness when we shadowbox. That by facing our own contradictions, and making friends with our own mistakes and failings that imprint on our ego we expand our understanding of why we are here. Here in this vessel that carries us around.
I will def go listen to that episode from Elise that you link to. This fascinates me.
Thank you for these thoughtful comments, Allison. It means the world that you felt empowered by my words. And yes, doesn't shadow work contain so many riches, if we dare to go there? You have mentioned Richard Rohr before and I've heard him in conversation on podcasts, but what book would you recommend that captures his "falling upward" approach on the two halves of life. I'd love to add his work to my collection of inspiring writers on the spiritual/inward path. Love that phrase "shadowbox."
I would start with the book, aptly titled, Falling Upward. And this recent conversation between Brené Brown and Father Richard encapsulates so much. One of my fav conversations with Richard (and I've listened to so many!) There's a link there on how to find the recently updated version of the book, too. Brené did the foreword.
Thank you Erin for consistently bringing your authentic self and all those wonderful women guests to your show. I always learn so much and come away inspired.
Really lovely essay, Amy! I thoroughly enjoyed this, from the Swiss women's victory to the inner ageist. As I prepare to enroll in another master's program to propel a significant career pivot, an inner voice tells me that 44 is too old to start school yet again. And yet, the heart speaks and reminds me how much I love an adventure and I'm not too old for a new one.
I went back to school to get my PhD when I was 43, and sometimes consider going back again (I’m 53 now). I love how you are looking at this return to school as a new adventure. I hope my life is always filled with the challenge of new adventures!
Thank you for sharing that, Tracey! It’s inspiring to hear that you undertook such a significant effort in your mid forties. Is there a specific subject you’d like to return to school for now?
What I’d like to study changes. I thought maybe health professions education at one point, but my past education and experience was enough to do research and teaching in that space. I’ve recently considered going back for an MFA, but there are only a few programs in Canada, and I’ve been able to start learning the craft of writing through other ways. I may consider it if I’m struggling to complete a novel or memoir. I did my PhD in the first place to get institutional support for research I wanted to do, so I see an MFA as a way to get support in completing a novel if needed. I’m also a little bit disenfranchised with higher education (mostly undergrad) after teaching within it, but that wouldn’t stop me from pursuing another degree if I thought it would help me get to where I want to go! Change and adventure can lead you to wonderful new places and experiences in life. I hope you enjoy your new program!
I appreciate your curious mind, Tracey, the perennial student, as I am. And I'd like to offer you any guidance you like on writing novels. I am now writing my fourth novel, have completed three. And while I've "yet" to publish one (it's a tough business), it will happen. Meanwhile, I get better with every novel and I've learned a thing or two, so just message me if you ever want to chat about it.
Thanks, Amy, I would love to talk novel writing with you and learn from your experiences! I listen to a few writing podcasts which have helped me realize there is no one "right" way to approach writing a novel, which seems like such a simple idea but it makes me feel better about my messy approach. I'd love to be able to chat about some of the practicalities, especially around organization of ideas, chapters, files – no one really talks about the nitty gritty behind-the-scenes boring stuff of writing!
Thank you, Shea. Good for you for that significant career pivot and returning to school. Only a woman with the energy and passion for learning and growing would choose to make such a pivot and those are the ingredients to keep you vibrant and vital, in my experience. Let's keep adventuring in this life.
Hi Amy, I enjoyed reading this super inspiring essay filled with wisdom, good advice and resources. I especially like the attitude you embrace: "I am embracing my elderhood with something akin to glee—not least because I am more free than I’ve been in a long time. The best is yet to come, I often think. My powers are not diminished. These powers will change over time."
"Embrace" is a good word to use, as it feels more active than "accept."
As your long-time friend, I can say that you've always lived with a wondrous sense of curiosity, optimism and hunger for adventure and learning. Perhaps it's these qualities that make you feel like an "evergreen" to me. In fact, I think your positive attitude shines through and makes you glow, no matter your biological age. You're gifted with very few lines, as I can see, but they are beautifully infused with your hard-earned wisdom and life experience.
The story of the Swiss woman who fought for climate change protection for the elders is such a good example of how we can actually lead the way for changes that can reverberate down the generations. Being at the age of "retirement" doesn't mean we should retract from life.
I love your photos here of your climb on Chamonix. It's a place I once dreamed of visiting with my ex-husband. Perhaps one day I get to climb it too. Your adventures of living out your travel dreams are tremendously inspiring.
I look forward to checking out those links and podcasts you mentioned.
Louisa, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, and for your kind words about the spirit I have tried to live by: I am glad it shines through as "evergreen" to you. I am glowing with all of the ways in which you see me just as I am--which is true of the best of friendships.
I really think we need a different word than "retirement." I don't intend on retiring from anything, really. I am reframing, reinventing, embracing all that is new and yet to be discovered. What's a word for that? I was listening to an interview on Wiser Than Me with Patti LaBelle today and she is 80 and said she feels like she is 30 and performs live shows 8 months of the year--still! She says she looks at each birthday as a "graduation," not getting older/elderly, etc. Isn't that a great way to look at? Because we are perpetual students here at Earth School--if we're open to that continual learning and growing.
The Swiss mountains await you. Maybe we will climb Chamonix together one day.
Let me know what you think if you listen to any of the podcasts or read the articles I linked to.
Amy thank you for this, it landed here for me just in time to help me climb out of self-doubt today! I also listened to that podcast with Elise Loehnen and Connie Zweig, and I remember that Zweig said that many women perceived their appearance as a source of power (she was talking about the sorrow women often felt about their appearances as they got older). That has been on my mind as I think more about women and the power they hold (and don't hold) in society - so from this angle it was wonderful to read about Pia's climate victory.
Sheri, thank you and I am so glad this essay was helpful to you today. Pia's climate victory (shared with her many Swiss sisters) is inspiring. There was so much richness to the Zweig interview, and now I recall that observation about appearance as a source of power. Once again we have a double standard, don't we? For example, for men, gray hair is most often viewed, in my experience, as "distinguished," a marker of his sophistication, his rightful place in the world that he's "earned." For women, it's too often regarded as "she's letting herself go." I think that's changing. We saw so many women claim their gray proudly during the pandemic and never go back to dyeing it. Anyway, it's up to us women to claim our choices as we age and to hold each other up no matter our choices.
Beautiful work, Amy. I'll be 64 in March, and life has moved so quickly, and seems to be moving even faster the older I get. I'm more content, more happy than I've ever been. I'm grateful to be my age, and to be able to take the stories of my lifetime and finally tell them. Life is full of gifts and grace and we owe ourselves the permission to look in the mirror and see the woman smiling back at us and say, "You are beautiful, you have always been beautiful, and you will always be beautiful." Aging has enriched me in more ways than I can express, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen how good it will get. That's my hope. Sending love to you.
Thank you, Nan. I can see we are precisely on the same page as regards owning all our years and looking forward to the good fortune of many years more. Mirror, mirror on the wall, I see you and I love all of you. So appreciate this beautiful and inspiring comment, my friend.
xoxo!
Thank you, Amy, for sharing your sweet, thorough, and inspiring reflections and insights on aging. Some of these statistics blew my mind and my heart breaks to think about the idea that it’s insecurities that may drive us to get Botox or grey coverage. Pam Anderson is another celebrity that is inspiring me lately, no makeup, no problem. May we all have the good fortune to grow old. Wrinkles and all!
Katie, thank you so much for reading and leaving this thoughtful comment. I have also seen Pam Anderson's embrace of her aging and it is truly inspirational. Yes, it IS a good fortune to grow old. None of us want the alternative. So glad you are with me on this journey and that we can work against these aging insecurities together. Much love!
Ladies this is absolutely beautiful. Amy thank you for your words of wisdom regarding aging, it’s top of all our minds these days. I was so excited to hear Marielles voice. She seems to have adopted your knack for speaking so eloquently. Marielle I loved your poem and everything you shared! Every time I listen it the takes me one step closer to climbing the Camino, although it won’t be for a few years for me. When I listen to you both my mind forms a picture of the scene and I feel like I’m there. Marielle I’m looking for to your future publications (?) can’t remember if that’s what you called it. Thank you both for starting my day off right!!
Jen, thank you taking time to read and comment, that means so much and I've appreciated all our discussions on aging. Also thank you for going back and listening to the co-authored Camino series with my daughter Marielle. I am so glad our narration planted such a vivid picture in your mind. That's what every writer hopes for. Her Substack is called @The Adventure Agenda and is well worth subscribing to for planning future travel or just doing some comfy armchair travel in the winter months. https://mariellemeanders.substack.com/
Thank you for this wonderful essay, Amy, and all the informative links you provided. I like that you addressed how our numerical age is a number that matters. “I know you sometimes look at your numerical age, 64, with chagrin, dismay, even fear…You are the all ages you have ever been; nothing is ever lost.”
I often hear people groan about an upcoming birthday, upset at turning another year older. My husband literally cried when he turned 20(!!) because to him it signaled adulthood and the end of his carefree childhood. I wish I had told him he will always carry his childhood with him and that we can find ways to bring what we loved about our childhood selves with us.
I always think (and sometimes say, depending on the person) “would you rather not be reaching this age?” The alternative is to no longer be alive on this earth, so I embrace each yearly increase in my age. That’s not to say I don’t have those “I’m how old now?” moments, but it’s more an incredulity than despair - I hope that doesn’t change as I get older!
I don’t think I would alter my naturally aging face, but I am working hard to combat my aging body through exercise and being more mindful of the variety of food I eat. I do catch myself wishing I had less wrinkles and more plumpness in my cheeks, but then I think I finally have the cheekbones I always wanted! My inner ageist comes up when I feel like I look older than people 10 years or more older than me! I have to keep reminding myself that everyone ages differently, and some people take measures to look younger. It’s hard to fight that compulsion to compare oneself with others in this society that devalues naturally aging faces.
Tracey, thank you for these thoughtful comments, for engaging so deeply with the topic and the questions I posed for myself and for readers. That means so much! It's not too late is it to tell your husband that wise observation about his childhood self. And yes, the alternative to aging is no longer being alive and none of us wants that. You made me smile with the optimistic way you look at your cheekbones now--the silver lining of your older face! Glad you are aware of and push against your inner ageist. It is definitely not easy in. our society. I think a great antidote, for me, is to listen to every episode of Julia Louis Dreyfus' podcast "Wiser Than Me" Do you know it? These women in their 70s, 80s, 90s are defiantly embracing their beauty at every age and it is inspiring.
Aaaahhhh…. Aging😎😍😆..a subject my mind has an aversion to. I really like this sharing and all the references and books and quotes I really appreciate it. We are all in this boat together! That comforts me as well. I was watching this reel with Emma Thompson and she said she looks in the mirror sometimes and just thinks( use a thick British accent here) “that’s just wrong!”😂
You definitely have to have a sense of humor. Because truly what matters is what’s inside! If someone is happy with wrinkles and brown teeth they are so much easier to be around then a bitter prude who’s sad of getting old.(I’m telling myself) So just let it shine, be disciplined and stay in shape, we have a choice! Thank you Amy for allowing me to vent a little…😅phew! I feel better now. ❤️
I get it, Amy, and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic of aging, even though I recognize the desire to avoid thinking about it. That Emma Thompson quote made me smile. Yes, a sense of humor gives us perspective and keeps us young! I totally agree: what truly matters is inside. So glad I gave you a space for venting, my friend. As for your word "disciplined," I feel "devotion" works for me better. I am devoted to this beautiful, healthy, strong body that does so much for me and has taken me so far in life and I want to continue to be devoted to it and celebrate it and keep it strong and vibrant. "Disciplined" can be a double-edged sword for me, in which I don't measure up to the discipline I impose on myself. Isn't it interesting how a word can shift our mindsets, and that for each of us it is different words and messages that inspire us?
Beautiful essay, Amy. Embrace it all, (you always do) and I feel empowered inhaling your words.
The older I get, the more intrigued I am with shadow work. I love Richard Rohr’s work on this - his Falling Upward approach on the two “halves” of life. His work was the first that introduced me to this idea that the big surprise on the human journey is that we come to full consciousness when we shadowbox. That by facing our own contradictions, and making friends with our own mistakes and failings that imprint on our ego we expand our understanding of why we are here. Here in this vessel that carries us around.
I will def go listen to that episode from Elise that you link to. This fascinates me.
Thank you!
Thank you for these thoughtful comments, Allison. It means the world that you felt empowered by my words. And yes, doesn't shadow work contain so many riches, if we dare to go there? You have mentioned Richard Rohr before and I've heard him in conversation on podcasts, but what book would you recommend that captures his "falling upward" approach on the two halves of life. I'd love to add his work to my collection of inspiring writers on the spiritual/inward path. Love that phrase "shadowbox."
I would start with the book, aptly titled, Falling Upward. And this recent conversation between Brené Brown and Father Richard encapsulates so much. One of my fav conversations with Richard (and I've listened to so many!) There's a link there on how to find the recently updated version of the book, too. Brené did the foreword.
https://cac.org/podcasts/the-two-halves-of-life-with-brene-brown/
Thank you! Ordered and on its way.
Thanks, you're an inspiration.
Thank you, Pat! And you are an inspiration to me and always have been, since we met.
Thanks for including me in this list of incredible women writers and thinkers!
Thank you Erin for consistently bringing your authentic self and all those wonderful women guests to your show. I always learn so much and come away inspired.
Really lovely essay, Amy! I thoroughly enjoyed this, from the Swiss women's victory to the inner ageist. As I prepare to enroll in another master's program to propel a significant career pivot, an inner voice tells me that 44 is too old to start school yet again. And yet, the heart speaks and reminds me how much I love an adventure and I'm not too old for a new one.
I went back to school to get my PhD when I was 43, and sometimes consider going back again (I’m 53 now). I love how you are looking at this return to school as a new adventure. I hope my life is always filled with the challenge of new adventures!
Way to go, Tracey!
Thank you for sharing that, Tracey! It’s inspiring to hear that you undertook such a significant effort in your mid forties. Is there a specific subject you’d like to return to school for now?
What I’d like to study changes. I thought maybe health professions education at one point, but my past education and experience was enough to do research and teaching in that space. I’ve recently considered going back for an MFA, but there are only a few programs in Canada, and I’ve been able to start learning the craft of writing through other ways. I may consider it if I’m struggling to complete a novel or memoir. I did my PhD in the first place to get institutional support for research I wanted to do, so I see an MFA as a way to get support in completing a novel if needed. I’m also a little bit disenfranchised with higher education (mostly undergrad) after teaching within it, but that wouldn’t stop me from pursuing another degree if I thought it would help me get to where I want to go! Change and adventure can lead you to wonderful new places and experiences in life. I hope you enjoy your new program!
I appreciate your curious mind, Tracey, the perennial student, as I am. And I'd like to offer you any guidance you like on writing novels. I am now writing my fourth novel, have completed three. And while I've "yet" to publish one (it's a tough business), it will happen. Meanwhile, I get better with every novel and I've learned a thing or two, so just message me if you ever want to chat about it.
Thanks, Amy, I would love to talk novel writing with you and learn from your experiences! I listen to a few writing podcasts which have helped me realize there is no one "right" way to approach writing a novel, which seems like such a simple idea but it makes me feel better about my messy approach. I'd love to be able to chat about some of the practicalities, especially around organization of ideas, chapters, files – no one really talks about the nitty gritty behind-the-scenes boring stuff of writing!
I love talking about the nitty-gritty! DM me and we will set up a time after the holidays to chat.
Thank you, Shea. Good for you for that significant career pivot and returning to school. Only a woman with the energy and passion for learning and growing would choose to make such a pivot and those are the ingredients to keep you vibrant and vital, in my experience. Let's keep adventuring in this life.
Hi Amy, I enjoyed reading this super inspiring essay filled with wisdom, good advice and resources. I especially like the attitude you embrace: "I am embracing my elderhood with something akin to glee—not least because I am more free than I’ve been in a long time. The best is yet to come, I often think. My powers are not diminished. These powers will change over time."
"Embrace" is a good word to use, as it feels more active than "accept."
As your long-time friend, I can say that you've always lived with a wondrous sense of curiosity, optimism and hunger for adventure and learning. Perhaps it's these qualities that make you feel like an "evergreen" to me. In fact, I think your positive attitude shines through and makes you glow, no matter your biological age. You're gifted with very few lines, as I can see, but they are beautifully infused with your hard-earned wisdom and life experience.
The story of the Swiss woman who fought for climate change protection for the elders is such a good example of how we can actually lead the way for changes that can reverberate down the generations. Being at the age of "retirement" doesn't mean we should retract from life.
I love your photos here of your climb on Chamonix. It's a place I once dreamed of visiting with my ex-husband. Perhaps one day I get to climb it too. Your adventures of living out your travel dreams are tremendously inspiring.
I look forward to checking out those links and podcasts you mentioned.
Louisa, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, and for your kind words about the spirit I have tried to live by: I am glad it shines through as "evergreen" to you. I am glowing with all of the ways in which you see me just as I am--which is true of the best of friendships.
I really think we need a different word than "retirement." I don't intend on retiring from anything, really. I am reframing, reinventing, embracing all that is new and yet to be discovered. What's a word for that? I was listening to an interview on Wiser Than Me with Patti LaBelle today and she is 80 and said she feels like she is 30 and performs live shows 8 months of the year--still! She says she looks at each birthday as a "graduation," not getting older/elderly, etc. Isn't that a great way to look at? Because we are perpetual students here at Earth School--if we're open to that continual learning and growing.
The Swiss mountains await you. Maybe we will climb Chamonix together one day.
Let me know what you think if you listen to any of the podcasts or read the articles I linked to.
🤗💕 Love you, my dearest friend! I hope one day we'll get to climb Chamonix together!
Thank you for the mention!
Thank you for the lens you provide on all the beautiful ways we age, Sari.
💕
Amy thank you for this, it landed here for me just in time to help me climb out of self-doubt today! I also listened to that podcast with Elise Loehnen and Connie Zweig, and I remember that Zweig said that many women perceived their appearance as a source of power (she was talking about the sorrow women often felt about their appearances as they got older). That has been on my mind as I think more about women and the power they hold (and don't hold) in society - so from this angle it was wonderful to read about Pia's climate victory.
Sheri, thank you and I am so glad this essay was helpful to you today. Pia's climate victory (shared with her many Swiss sisters) is inspiring. There was so much richness to the Zweig interview, and now I recall that observation about appearance as a source of power. Once again we have a double standard, don't we? For example, for men, gray hair is most often viewed, in my experience, as "distinguished," a marker of his sophistication, his rightful place in the world that he's "earned." For women, it's too often regarded as "she's letting herself go." I think that's changing. We saw so many women claim their gray proudly during the pandemic and never go back to dyeing it. Anyway, it's up to us women to claim our choices as we age and to hold each other up no matter our choices.