As I plan a move to Spain, I know I am privileged to have the option to make another country my home. My heart is split in two: joy for my new chapter and fear for those I leave behind.
Readers, LET'S CHAT! What lights your way in the darkness when times are hard? What practices, rituals and sources of inspiration do you turn to? Let’s lift each other up with all the ways we manage, against all odds, to maintain our faith in each another and in our flawed and beautiful human experiment on this earth.
Your experience resonates deeply. That feeling of darkness after such a significant event can be overwhelming, especially when it feels like so much is at stake. It's completely understandable to feel torn between seeking a better life for yourself and wanting to support those you care about. Moving to Spain might feel like an escape, but it can also be a step toward finding peace and a sense of belonging. It's a difficult balance to strike, but prioritizing your well-being is important too.
Reading this nourished my soul. It’s both the way you write and the messages themselves. The part about your throat hurting—I’ve never heard the feeling described that way and I understood it deeply. And I loved all the sources of inspo you shared too. Thank you 🙏 excited to subscribe and continue reading your beautiful words (from a fellow American living in Europe!)
Syd, thank you so much for reading and for this kind comment about my writing and the message in this post. It is encouragement like yours that keeps me going with this first-time-ever newsletter endeavor, so I appreciate it. I was also delighted to hop over and subscribe to your Substack and learn about you and your coaching and joy lists (we all need that more than ever now). I see so many common threads between us in our self-discovery and inner work path of recent years. For instance, I too became sober, in Feb 2021, which I wrote about here: https://amybrown.substack.com/p/when-change-beckons-something-has?utm_source=publication-search. Excited to visit your Sunshine Table. Life in Amsterdam sounds wonderful and that you are really taking advantage of all the ways in which life there can help you bloom in the way you most want. Glad to be connected.
I loved and echo your feelings. I want to leave this country so bad but my husband does not. I am beyond hurt by this election and the terrible picks for trumps cabinet. I am 79 years old and want out of this country for the rest of my life.
I hear you, it's really tough when things don't go the way we hoped, especially after such a significant event like an election. It's understandable to feel disheartened and frustrated. Wanting a change of scenery is a natural response to such strong emotions. It's important to have open conversations with your husband about these feelings and find a way to navigate this together. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek what's best for your peace of mind.
Hi Emilie, thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it so much. And I am glad you could resonate with what I wrote but sad for you that you cannot act on your desire to leave the country. Perhaps your husband will change his mind in time. Because I agree, if Trump's Cabinet picks are any indication, it is going to be as awful as we feared in this country. It is so hard to stay compassionate and loving and understanding when we who voted differently and want something different, and better, see what is unfolding. I am trying, though, to at least tend to myself and to others who are hurting, and recognizing that there are a great many of us did not vote for Trump and that there is still community out there to hold us and advocate with us to resist and to fight for what we believe in.
"Your wings are clipped but not broken." Your letter from Love is so beautiful, tender and touching!
I totally understand why you feel torn about leaving the country while the rest of us are entering perhaps the darkest time of American history. But I can assure you that from knowing you and your political stance, that your love for country and democracy is genuine, and so is your love for thine less fortunate neighbors including me. Yes, you are speaking and living from a position of privilege. Yet you are acutely aware of it and instead of abusing your privilege, you use it to lift others up. There's a big difference. So I hope you don't let a sense of guilt burden you with your impending big move across the ocean.
Of course, for selfish reasons, I'm sad about your move. There was a point when you first announced your intention to leave, that I felt a sense of abandonment, simply because my wound of abandonment by my ex wasn't yet healed. But since then I have done a lot of healing and the trigger was gone. Instead, I feel happy for you, that you finally get to live your dreams and dictate your own destiny now that you're free to choose whatever path you want. And I think the choices you made when you were younger -- having lived in Europe and built a freelance career path -- those were smart choices that allow you to have a great sense of freedom in your personal life. You worked hard for those choices as well.
As for the bird with the chipped wings, I feel like one myself. Your letter from love is a source of comfort. Thank you for this beautiful gift!
Louisa, this comment moves me deeply, thank you. I am so glad my voice of Love felt like a gift to you. That means so much. And thank you for understanding my conflicted feelings about the impending departure from my fractured homeland and for your encouragement to not let guilt burden me. And I appreciate you being candid about your personal feelings about my move. I will miss you, too, and am so grateful that at least virtually we can keep in close contact between real-life visits. I appreciate that you acknowledged the choices I made when I was younger--and my hard work to earn the ability to make those choices--because that is the truth, one that I sometimes don't give myself enough credit for. I am lucky, yes, in so many ways, but I also worked very hard my whole life for the opportunities I now have. As always, I appreciate being witnessed so thoughtfully and our forever close connection.
Beautiful words of recognition and acknowledgment of all the honest feelings that are stirring in you. Thanks for trusting us with all of it, Amy.
I am learning that sorrow and joy are companions- and that they actually belong together. Dare I say they compliment each other.
You will bring all of you to Spain and you will continue to be a strong ally and activist for the US. Because wherever you go, there you are. I can’t wait to read about the joy that will follow you there. We need joy in our feeds so please bring it and share it. 💞
Allison, how true it is: sorrow and joy are companions and belong together. Bittersweet, right? I really don't want to live any other way, as hard as it can be to keep company with both at once. And another truth: "wherever you go, there you are." Thank you for the encouragement to keep sharing my joy. I will!
Just the words I needed to hear this morning. I feel so broken inside, trying to stay in light and love through writers like you, and Liz, and Jeanne. Thank you for contiuing the fight and happy jouneys as you find your happy place again. 🩷
Thank you Deborah this means so much to me, and I really appreciate you reading and commenting. We are so not alone in feeling this brokenness and still pulling toward the light and love.
Dear Amy, I hear you on your joy mixed with sorrow and all the layers of feels regarding your upcoming move to Spain. This is because you are such a caring and loving person. Please know how happy I truly am for you to be moving to Spain, to be closer to your daughters, and for your beautiful, gentle heart to not be in this country with the upcoming administration.
As for getting through the darkness, the metaphors and therapeutic art practice of Kintsugi has come to mind and heart. Just yesterday I led a session for Mary Alice Arthur's Fireside Chat as part of her Story Dojo program. The question she asked me to reply to with Kintsugi was: What will you decide to make with what has happened to you? We dove into the metaphors of "stronger and more valuable after the breakage and repair" what might this idea give you? And the "glue which assists us to mend."
It was a very moving session with folks across Europe, the US and Canada. So, I focus on what I can still do, which is healing work and communication work to assist folks to keep on going.
Big love to you Amy. Shine on. Love on. And of course, also keep your activism going. 🙏🩵
Kristin, thank you for this lovely note. I so appreciate your kind words for my upcoming move. Having experienced your therapeutic art practice of Kintsugi, I know personally how powerful and healing it is, and those questions that came up during your session contain so much possibility for insight and repair. Your gifts are so meaningful to so many, Kristin. We're lucky to have your light in this world right now. So right back at you: Shine on, friend.
I hope you do not remain torn over your move- as you said, it’s for the love of family and a gift to yourself (I too am in my 60s and know how important it is to live out our dreams). You made the decision and put the plan in place long before the election results. Being close to your daughters, living in an amazing city and being near such natural beauty are wonderful “whys.”
To me, this is very different from those Americans saying only after Nov 5 that they want to live in a different country. I can definitely see why someone who has been threatened with violence, prison or forced deportation would want to go, I get that. But this is my home and I’m staying.
Thank you Sally for this supportive comment and for understanding my "whys." And yes, I can see it is different from a sudden desire to flee after Nov 5 (and I do have understanding for that). I love the fierceness in your statement, "This is my home and I'm staying." Who are they to take away the country and life you love, right?
Hi Amy, I too am moving to Europe. I, too, want to only whisper it now. But this is just another way we live with our light under the bushel. Let's be done with that at our ages. That thread goes way back for you literally as you made Europe your home. For me the thread is a dream that goes back to childhood. No one and nothing can snuff out our dreams. No one else suffers with your / my happiness and joy. In fact, we all might see the horizon as a bit brighter this morning.
I hear you: "Let's be done with that at our ages." And "no one and nothing can snuff out our dreams." I really appreciate you, Alecia, and I hope that over in Europe, we may meet one day.
So movingly written and echoes so many of my own feelings when I saw the election results, especially the recognition of my own privilege. Excited to have you closer and looking forward to continuing to stay politically active with you in the coming years! We will make grandma proud.
Readers, LET'S CHAT! What lights your way in the darkness when times are hard? What practices, rituals and sources of inspiration do you turn to? Let’s lift each other up with all the ways we manage, against all odds, to maintain our faith in each another and in our flawed and beautiful human experiment on this earth.
Your experience resonates deeply. That feeling of darkness after such a significant event can be overwhelming, especially when it feels like so much is at stake. It's completely understandable to feel torn between seeking a better life for yourself and wanting to support those you care about. Moving to Spain might feel like an escape, but it can also be a step toward finding peace and a sense of belonging. It's a difficult balance to strike, but prioritizing your well-being is important too.
Thank you for these thoughtful comments, Eric. I appreciate your support and insights.
Reading this nourished my soul. It’s both the way you write and the messages themselves. The part about your throat hurting—I’ve never heard the feeling described that way and I understood it deeply. And I loved all the sources of inspo you shared too. Thank you 🙏 excited to subscribe and continue reading your beautiful words (from a fellow American living in Europe!)
Syd, thank you so much for reading and for this kind comment about my writing and the message in this post. It is encouragement like yours that keeps me going with this first-time-ever newsletter endeavor, so I appreciate it. I was also delighted to hop over and subscribe to your Substack and learn about you and your coaching and joy lists (we all need that more than ever now). I see so many common threads between us in our self-discovery and inner work path of recent years. For instance, I too became sober, in Feb 2021, which I wrote about here: https://amybrown.substack.com/p/when-change-beckons-something-has?utm_source=publication-search. Excited to visit your Sunshine Table. Life in Amsterdam sounds wonderful and that you are really taking advantage of all the ways in which life there can help you bloom in the way you most want. Glad to be connected.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us, Amy. I really enjoyed reading it and learning more about you!
And thank you Jenny for stopping by to read it and leaving this kind comment.
I loved and echo your feelings. I want to leave this country so bad but my husband does not. I am beyond hurt by this election and the terrible picks for trumps cabinet. I am 79 years old and want out of this country for the rest of my life.
I hear you, it's really tough when things don't go the way we hoped, especially after such a significant event like an election. It's understandable to feel disheartened and frustrated. Wanting a change of scenery is a natural response to such strong emotions. It's important to have open conversations with your husband about these feelings and find a way to navigate this together. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek what's best for your peace of mind.
Hi Emilie, thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it so much. And I am glad you could resonate with what I wrote but sad for you that you cannot act on your desire to leave the country. Perhaps your husband will change his mind in time. Because I agree, if Trump's Cabinet picks are any indication, it is going to be as awful as we feared in this country. It is so hard to stay compassionate and loving and understanding when we who voted differently and want something different, and better, see what is unfolding. I am trying, though, to at least tend to myself and to others who are hurting, and recognizing that there are a great many of us did not vote for Trump and that there is still community out there to hold us and advocate with us to resist and to fight for what we believe in.
"Your wings are clipped but not broken." Your letter from Love is so beautiful, tender and touching!
I totally understand why you feel torn about leaving the country while the rest of us are entering perhaps the darkest time of American history. But I can assure you that from knowing you and your political stance, that your love for country and democracy is genuine, and so is your love for thine less fortunate neighbors including me. Yes, you are speaking and living from a position of privilege. Yet you are acutely aware of it and instead of abusing your privilege, you use it to lift others up. There's a big difference. So I hope you don't let a sense of guilt burden you with your impending big move across the ocean.
Of course, for selfish reasons, I'm sad about your move. There was a point when you first announced your intention to leave, that I felt a sense of abandonment, simply because my wound of abandonment by my ex wasn't yet healed. But since then I have done a lot of healing and the trigger was gone. Instead, I feel happy for you, that you finally get to live your dreams and dictate your own destiny now that you're free to choose whatever path you want. And I think the choices you made when you were younger -- having lived in Europe and built a freelance career path -- those were smart choices that allow you to have a great sense of freedom in your personal life. You worked hard for those choices as well.
As for the bird with the chipped wings, I feel like one myself. Your letter from love is a source of comfort. Thank you for this beautiful gift!
Louisa, this comment moves me deeply, thank you. I am so glad my voice of Love felt like a gift to you. That means so much. And thank you for understanding my conflicted feelings about the impending departure from my fractured homeland and for your encouragement to not let guilt burden me. And I appreciate you being candid about your personal feelings about my move. I will miss you, too, and am so grateful that at least virtually we can keep in close contact between real-life visits. I appreciate that you acknowledged the choices I made when I was younger--and my hard work to earn the ability to make those choices--because that is the truth, one that I sometimes don't give myself enough credit for. I am lucky, yes, in so many ways, but I also worked very hard my whole life for the opportunities I now have. As always, I appreciate being witnessed so thoughtfully and our forever close connection.
🤗😘💕
Beautiful words of recognition and acknowledgment of all the honest feelings that are stirring in you. Thanks for trusting us with all of it, Amy.
I am learning that sorrow and joy are companions- and that they actually belong together. Dare I say they compliment each other.
You will bring all of you to Spain and you will continue to be a strong ally and activist for the US. Because wherever you go, there you are. I can’t wait to read about the joy that will follow you there. We need joy in our feeds so please bring it and share it. 💞
Allison, how true it is: sorrow and joy are companions and belong together. Bittersweet, right? I really don't want to live any other way, as hard as it can be to keep company with both at once. And another truth: "wherever you go, there you are." Thank you for the encouragement to keep sharing my joy. I will!
Beautiful words, Amy. Celebrating your move and the next chapter of life. I'm glad to have found you along the way!
Thanks, Shea, and glad too for our newfound connection.
Just the words I needed to hear this morning. I feel so broken inside, trying to stay in light and love through writers like you, and Liz, and Jeanne. Thank you for contiuing the fight and happy jouneys as you find your happy place again. 🩷
Thank you Deborah this means so much to me, and I really appreciate you reading and commenting. We are so not alone in feeling this brokenness and still pulling toward the light and love.
Dear Amy, I hear you on your joy mixed with sorrow and all the layers of feels regarding your upcoming move to Spain. This is because you are such a caring and loving person. Please know how happy I truly am for you to be moving to Spain, to be closer to your daughters, and for your beautiful, gentle heart to not be in this country with the upcoming administration.
As for getting through the darkness, the metaphors and therapeutic art practice of Kintsugi has come to mind and heart. Just yesterday I led a session for Mary Alice Arthur's Fireside Chat as part of her Story Dojo program. The question she asked me to reply to with Kintsugi was: What will you decide to make with what has happened to you? We dove into the metaphors of "stronger and more valuable after the breakage and repair" what might this idea give you? And the "glue which assists us to mend."
It was a very moving session with folks across Europe, the US and Canada. So, I focus on what I can still do, which is healing work and communication work to assist folks to keep on going.
Big love to you Amy. Shine on. Love on. And of course, also keep your activism going. 🙏🩵
Kristin, thank you for this lovely note. I so appreciate your kind words for my upcoming move. Having experienced your therapeutic art practice of Kintsugi, I know personally how powerful and healing it is, and those questions that came up during your session contain so much possibility for insight and repair. Your gifts are so meaningful to so many, Kristin. We're lucky to have your light in this world right now. So right back at you: Shine on, friend.
Love you so Amy! And please know I'll be visiting you in Barcelona.🩷🙏
I look forward to it!
Great post, Amy!
Thanks Jennifer. I look forward to joining you (and meeting you in person!) in Barcelona soon.
I hope you do not remain torn over your move- as you said, it’s for the love of family and a gift to yourself (I too am in my 60s and know how important it is to live out our dreams). You made the decision and put the plan in place long before the election results. Being close to your daughters, living in an amazing city and being near such natural beauty are wonderful “whys.”
To me, this is very different from those Americans saying only after Nov 5 that they want to live in a different country. I can definitely see why someone who has been threatened with violence, prison or forced deportation would want to go, I get that. But this is my home and I’m staying.
Thank you Sally for this supportive comment and for understanding my "whys." And yes, I can see it is different from a sudden desire to flee after Nov 5 (and I do have understanding for that). I love the fierceness in your statement, "This is my home and I'm staying." Who are they to take away the country and life you love, right?
Hi Amy, I too am moving to Europe. I, too, want to only whisper it now. But this is just another way we live with our light under the bushel. Let's be done with that at our ages. That thread goes way back for you literally as you made Europe your home. For me the thread is a dream that goes back to childhood. No one and nothing can snuff out our dreams. No one else suffers with your / my happiness and joy. In fact, we all might see the horizon as a bit brighter this morning.
I hear you: "Let's be done with that at our ages." And "no one and nothing can snuff out our dreams." I really appreciate you, Alecia, and I hope that over in Europe, we may meet one day.
So movingly written and echoes so many of my own feelings when I saw the election results, especially the recognition of my own privilege. Excited to have you closer and looking forward to continuing to stay politically active with you in the coming years! We will make grandma proud.
Thank you my dear! I wrote this from an aching AND joyous heart, both at once. So looking forward to joining you in Barcelona.