Divorce can be overwhelming: A compendium of articles and resources
Welcome to Living in 3-D's handy resource for new subscribers and long-timers alike of all my divorce-themed essays plus other great resources from around Substack and elsewhere.
Hi everyone!
By the time this drops into your inbox, I will be walking the legendary pilgrim route of the Camino de Santiago, walking some 280 kilometers from my starting point in Porto, Portugal with my daughter Marielle. I can’t wait to share about this experience with all of you after this two-week trek.
Meanwhile, we have many new subscribers to Living in 3D: Divorce, Dementia and Destiny (welcome!) so I thought it was time to launch a Compendium of Divorce-themed essays and resources that includes my essays and work by other Substack writers as well as books, articles, podcasts and other resources I have come across in the past few years. Divorce is never easy, but if you’re like me, having access to information, insights, and particularly other first-hand experience is so comforting and empowering. You will find a slant toward women at midlife and late midlife going through divorce but these recommendations should be useful and inspiring to women at any age and stage of life.
I will keep adding to this Divorce Compendium of Resources over time and keep an eye out for my Compendium of my Dementia Caregiving (and general Caregiving) Resources, coming soon.
Please help me keep this as up-to-date and as useful as possible. Let me know in the comments if you have other recommendations to add: Substack writers who write on this theme, books, articles, podcasts, TED Talks, anything at all that could help us manage divorce with a bit more ease and self-compassion.
Living in 3-D Essays on Divorce
While these articles and essays focus on divorce, and especially my own late-in-life divorce after a long marriage, all of my essays, even if more caregiving- or destiny-focused, carry the undercurrent of how I am remaking my life post-divorce. In essence, everything I write is part of the same story of a late midlife awakening.
These are in chronological order since I began publishing in October 2023 and all are freely available.
This is not where my story ends
Divorce splinters your idea of home
Divorce was the scariest word in my vocabulary
The collateral damage when divorce and dementia caregiving collide
Divorce is an unraveling. The hardest part is putting yourself back together again.
After divorce, maintaining the bonds to the family you don't want to lose
Love songs are unbearable since my divorce
What does a good divorce look like?
Exit The Drama Triangle And Find Peace
Depth over Distance: How to Surface When Life Pulls You Under
Do I want to date again after 35 years?
In Barcelona, declaring a new kind of marriage vow
Other Substacks/Substack articles on divorce
This is a partial and growing list as I come across more insightful and informative writing on the topic of divorce. Keep coming back to see new additions, and add your own suggestions in the comments below.
Writers who regularly talk openly and honestly about divorce on their Substacks:
In The Mother Lode, Cindy DiTiberio is a fierce, smart writer in this feminist newsletter on the challenges of motherhood and marriage within patriarchal constraints, talking openly about sex, desire, the patriarchy, and divorce.
Cindy is featuring a series called The Divorce Diaries, “real-life talk about what it takes to end a marriage.” These are anonymous Q&A pieces curated by Cindy, behind a paywall, rich with the kind of in-depth, behind-the-scenes stories (including how to go about it, what it costs, what women would have done differently). It’s a goldmine of honest, sometimes searing, other times inspiring and hopeful information you won’t find elsewhere in this detail.
Also check out the divorce-related series on Women Talking
In Men Yell At Me, journalist Lyz Lenz, the author of This American Ex-Wife writes a refreshing newsletter she describes as “personal, political, sometimes funny, and always raises hell.’ Check out this piece for a sample:
In Honey Stay Super, Kimberly Harrington is wonderfully honest and funny about her midlife divorce (and subsequent dating life), including these pieces
Other divorce-related noteworthy articles from Substack writers I enjoy and admire:
Is (Heterosexual) Marriage A Diet?, Virginia Sole-Smith.
Lullaby, Jane Ratcliffe: Jane’s essay about getting divorced when you're still (very much) in love.
Issue #140: Reflections From Signing My Divorce Papers Last Week, Leslie Stephens
All* of my friends are ending their marriages, Sam Baker
"The Cure for The Pain is in The Pain", Laura McKowen
What would happen if you felt free?, Amy Shearn
Do I want a divorce or is it *just* menopause?, Amy Gesenhues at The Midst
Hot Menopausal Woman Summer, Shannon Watts
Imaginary Lives, Allison Holden, Midstory Magazine
Books on divorce
Non-fiction
This American Ex-Wife, Lyz Lenz
Splinters, Leslie Jamison
You Could Make This Place Beautiful, Maggie Smith
The Leaving Season, Kelly McMasters
Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
Things I Don’t Want to Know and The Cost of Living, Deborah Levy
Aftermath: On Marriage and Separation, Rachel Cusk
Fiction
This list is selective, based on my tastes, but do let me know in the comments fiction you have enjoyed that deal primarily with divorce, and featuring a female protagonist.
Leaving, Roxane Robinson
Lucy by the Sea and Oh William!, Elizabeth Strout
Late Bloomers, Deepa Varadarajan
The Beauty of the Husband, Anne Carson
The Good Mother, Sue Miller
Smart Women, Judy Blume
The Blessings of the Animals, Katrina Kittle
Open House and Once Upon a Time There Was You, Elizabeth Berg
How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Terry McMillan
Le Divorce, Diane Johnson
Kramer vs. Kramer, Avery Corman
Heartburn, Nora Ephron
Articles on divorce
Blue Marriage and The Terror of Divorce, Anne-Helen Petersen
What Squirrels Taught Me About Life After Divorce, The Atlantic, Kelly McMasters
The Phone That Tore Us Apart, Patti Niemi, Modern Love, The New York Times with that iconic line every woman contemplating or who has been divorced recognizes:
“Being lonely within a marriage is the worst kind of loneliness.”
Podcasts on divorce/divorce-related
This American Ex-Wife podcast, host, Lyz Lenz, including this episode,
“The one where he buries the gold,” where Lyz’s own divorce lawyer Allison Werner Smith stops by to walk through the long road of a divorce.
Hotter than Ever, Erin Keating (also on Substack), including this episode:
“Choosing Mediation over Divorce When You Know It’s Over, with Paulette Rigo”
Films/TV series on divorce
This is a category where I need to crowdsource as I don’t own a TV and mostly read these days. Here are some suggestions of films I’ve seen and enjoyed that deal with divorce, troubled marriages and a woman’s post-divorce awakening. Please suggest more in the comments!
“How Stella Got Her Groove Back”
Can’t wait to read both! Will add to my Compendium once I do💔
I am reading Splinters right now. Sooooo good. I recently finished Liars. Never have I ever read a book faster.
Such a tremendous resource you’ve crafted for your readers!
Enjoy the Camino!