I was right there with you every word of the way. Hooked from the start with the slam of the screen door and the grind of the motorcycle engine. I was seated at the kitchen table, lying in the lovers’ bed, then in the maternal one. You are a gorgeous writer, Amy. So rich in detail, longing, and tension, yet not a word wasted.
Such a punch and the pacing is fab! It could make for a compelling flashback in a longer piece.
“Now there are the two of us, our own constellation.”
Universal, too. Such the feeling when mother delivers baby. Father often the distant observer. Not knowing how to break the barrier. The bond not instinctual like mom. The instinct to run that men sometimes can’t tame.
oh Amy, so very much said in beautiful brevity. Visceral, evocative, heartwrenching, deeply raw, real and powerful. It is perfect as is. Annnd I could imagine it expanded too. 6 out of 5 stars!
Evocative, economical, and it definitely packs a punch. Lots of possibilities to extend into a short story, or something longer. I imagine this as a chapter from the distant past, and the rest of the story--which could be completely different--set in the present day. My two cents' worth!
Brava, Amy. I was there from the first moment. I'm glad the prompt unlocked a door. Have a great time in Portugal (which hopefully is not as hot as France.) x
Portugal is lovely, definitely not as hot (I’m the mountains of the Algarve for a few days now). And yes, the workshop opened this & many other doors as I keep telling all my writer friends!
Lovely setup right here Amy--"I smell you long after you’re gone, the sweat and dirt and drift of you." Especially love the drift of you--bringing the tension. Love the whole piece.
Amy, this is beautiful!! I want MORE! (Can I hop into your bed, and will you read me the rest?)
Amy! I love seeing this piece out in the world. xoxo
Oooh this is so good. I'm hooked, right from the first line. Thank-you for being bold and sharing!!
Thank you Kendra 💗
I was right there with you every word of the way. Hooked from the start with the slam of the screen door and the grind of the motorcycle engine. I was seated at the kitchen table, lying in the lovers’ bed, then in the maternal one. You are a gorgeous writer, Amy. So rich in detail, longing, and tension, yet not a word wasted.
More, more, more! 👏🏻👏🏻
These words mean so much to me, thank you!
Such a punch and the pacing is fab! It could make for a compelling flashback in a longer piece.
“Now there are the two of us, our own constellation.”
Universal, too. Such the feeling when mother delivers baby. Father often the distant observer. Not knowing how to break the barrier. The bond not instinctual like mom. The instinct to run that men sometimes can’t tame.
That’s such a helpful & encouraging close read, thank you!!
oh Amy, so very much said in beautiful brevity. Visceral, evocative, heartwrenching, deeply raw, real and powerful. It is perfect as is. Annnd I could imagine it expanded too. 6 out of 5 stars!
Thanks for all that affirmation; makes me very excited to continue developing whatever this wants to be.
What a beautiful piece, Amy! The imagery, the pacing and the storytelling- so powerful! Thanks for sharing! <3
Thank you for the sweet words of encouragement
That must have been some workshop because that's one fabulous paragraph. Keep going,
it feels like the beginning of something big.
I am wondering the same myself. Thank you for the thumbs up, Pat! Hope you’re having a great summer. We need a catchup call soon.
Wow! Your descriptions are so powerful. I see the beginning of a novel here.
Perhaps, Kaarin! We’ll see, have to finish my current novel first but it’s always great to have characters waiting in the wings.
Evocative, economical, and it definitely packs a punch. Lots of possibilities to extend into a short story, or something longer. I imagine this as a chapter from the distant past, and the rest of the story--which could be completely different--set in the present day. My two cents' worth!
Love your ideas & appreciate that you took the time to read. Feeling encouraged to keep playing with this.
I was sensing this as well, that this could be a flashback.
Thanks Anne 🥰
Lovely! Just perfectly lovely.❤️
Thanks Jillian; perhaps you saw your excellent suggestions in the revision
Brava, Amy. I was there from the first moment. I'm glad the prompt unlocked a door. Have a great time in Portugal (which hopefully is not as hot as France.) x
Portugal is lovely, definitely not as hot (I’m the mountains of the Algarve for a few days now). And yes, the workshop opened this & many other doors as I keep telling all my writer friends!
Lovely setup right here Amy--"I smell you long after you’re gone, the sweat and dirt and drift of you." Especially love the drift of you--bringing the tension. Love the whole piece.
Thank you Trish!
Maybe Baby!!