When your destination is your destiny

From the jagged peaks of Montserrat to the cozy hearth of my new home in Barcelona, I have found my place of belonging.

For a long time I’ve had the sense of living a life suspended in the belief that greater contentment, peace and belonging was making its way toward me.

And now it is here.

Through the wrenching dislocations of divorce and caregiving for my mother with dementia until her death last spring, my destiny was unfolding, even when I couldn’t see it or feel it and despaired of it ever arriving. Through the months of loneliness, self-doubt, tears of loss and grief, my future was making ghostly shapes in the dark—visible, it seemed, only in my dreams.

In Spanish, the word for “destiny” and “destination” are the same thing: destino. I love that. It feels exactly right. In Barcelona, I have arrived at my destination for the next chapter of my life. And it also feels like my destiny.

A perfect perch to admire the monastery amid the jagged cliffs of Montserrat, Spain with Marielle and Sara

That I am exactly in the right place at the right time culminated this weekend when I had my arms wrapped around both my daughters. Sara, my youngest, came for a few days’ visit from Paris where she lives with her fiancé Ilias. I was able to belatedly spoil her for the 30th birthday I missed in November, and she was glad to be able to help me settle into my new home in Barcelona and to have the honor of being my first guest. And nothing makes me happier than witnessing the closeness of both sisters together in their forever bond.

Sitting around the dining table of my new apartment, once again cooking for and delighting in the company of my girls and Marielle’s partner Esteban, it seems like these past two-and-a-half years of the emotional rollercoaster of my post-divorce and caregiver’s life have whooshed by in a blink of the eye.

And here I am, ready to begin again, with a far deeper knowledge of who I am and from where I’ve come. The weight of all that I have carried and the insights I’ve gained about myself, relationships, love, loss, belonging, the gifts of solitude, and the rewards of excavating one’s interior landscape are with me still. They are the foundation on which I find balance and ballast when doubt and insecurity strike, as they will. For that it is only human.

It is that humanity that reverberated as some 300 of us sat in the beautiful century-old church, Església de la Mare de Déu del Carme in Badalona this Saturday evening, listening in hushed silence beneath the vaulted ceilings to a choir and small orchestra perform Bach’s Cantata BWV 36 “Schwingt freudig euch empor.” The words of poet Mark Nepo in that day’s Book of Awakening entry, February 22, echoed in my mind:

“Being alive is a paradox, an ongoing mix of things that on the surface don’t always seem to make sense. But voicing what doesn’t seem to make sense helps. It’s like an orchestra tuning up to play together. We have no chance of discovering the fullness of our inner music, if we don’t let the player in our hearts and minds and spirits tune…often, experience is the way that the heart and mind and spirit practice what they need to play.”

—Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

The past two-and-a-half years that have followed my decision to end my marriage and to care for my mother at home, and in those last sad months, in memory care—this was life giving me the practice to play the full symphony of my life. Loss and love, fear and courage, joy and sadness, loneliness and connection—it is all part of the music that needed to be played until one day, I could arrive right here, in this moment.

I have enjoyed so many precious moments this past week with Marielle, Sara and Esteban. Slowly but surely I am no longer suspended in disbelief that this is my life now. With each passing day as a newly minted Barcelona/Badalona resident, gazing out at the mountains or the sea from where I sit and write, I think: I am here. I am where I belong. And Discovery (my word for 2025) is at my fingertips. Destiny. Destination. Discovery. These are the 3Ds dancing in my mind and heart. Here are some of those moments:

Culinary delights

Being treated to Esteban’s homemade ceviche, a recipe from his native Chile (which I will visit next month with Marielle and Esteban, starting with Peru: a brief visit to Lima and then to the famous Macchu Picchu).

Enjoying a relaxed two-hour weekday lunch at a classic Catalan restaurant, La Bota de Aragón, along Badalona’s seafront. The Spanish way of life where work-life balance is effortless—long lunches, leisurely coffee in the square, shops that close in the early afternoon for siesta, reopening in the evening before tapas, the smaller evening meal—all of it inspires me to slow down and savor the moment.

Creating a new home

Creating together with my daughters, my personal shoppers, a lovely gold-and-green interior design theme for my apartment, with stops at Maison du Monde and IKEA (and some classic Swedish semlor to fortify us pre-shopping at Manso's Café & Café Fiket), and a car stuffed with a bookcase, lamps, bedding and all manner of useful objects, thanks to our personal driver Esteban.

A Sunday drive about 30 kilometers from Barcelona to the mountain regions of Bages, Baix Llobregat and Anoia that included three major stops:

For the love of animals

First— a stop at Mas Casablanca, a working farm for visitors (especially young ones; we saw lots of families). Two friendly large dogs guided us around for petting sheep, horses, goats, a donkey, baby cows and rabbits—along with some huge pigs that were not the sweet pink creatures Esteban envisioned (he’s got a soft spot for our porcine friends). Fortified by Bagel Coffee in Vic (yes, in Catalan countryside and gluten free and vegan options too), we had a delicious brunch and then continued on, the white-capped Pyrenees luring us onward.

Loira and Jack were our two constant companions and guides on our farm tour at Mas Casablanca.

Centuries of winemaking

Second—the family-owned Abadal vineyard, in the Bages region, where wine has been made for over eight centuries. We drove up through vineyards in terraces surrounded by woods. Sitting in a sunny courtyard, Marielle, Sara and Esteban (who is a sommelier and winemaker) tried some traditional local varieties like Picapoll and Mandó grapes, impressed enough to bring an Abadal Picapoll home with them.

Esteban our sommelier tasting the wine of Aradala Winery.

Montserrat: The Magic Mountain

Third, the grand finale, our main objective for the drive: the famous “Magic Mountain” of Montserrat. Rising dramatically to more than 1,200 meters, Montserrat has been called a geological marvel, shaped over millennia by wind and water. Its special rock formations are characterized by jagged cliffs (the serrado, or serrated, feature of its name). At its top sits the ancient monastery revered as a sacred site and a symbol of Catalan identity.

Today the monastery is inhabited by some eighty Benedictine monks who worship a Black Madonna that Catalans call ‘La Moreneta’ (the little dark one), a 12th-century statue of Our Lady of Montserrat, the patron saint of Catalonia. The monastery is also famous for performances by the Escolania de Montserrat, one of Europe’s oldest and most prestigious boys’ choirs. We didn’t get to hear them perform this time.

Instead, after taking the cable car up the mountain (saving its rugged hike from the bottom for another occasion), we walked to a breathtaking viewpoint where the monastery seems to be carved out of the mountain itself. Later, we sat inside the church with its stunning stained-glass windows and watched as one by one, people made their way to the altar with the statue of Our Lady of Montserrat, touching her to pay their respects. In 2025, Montserrat celebrates its millennium and it will no doubt get even more visitors. Montserrat is among the ‘52 Places to go in 2025‘, a New York Times list of 50 perfect destinations to explore this year.

For centuries, Montserrat has been a place of pilgrimage, prayer, and contemplation, beckoning to those in search of solace and enlightenment. I learned about its destruction and reconstruction in the 19th century. During the War of Independence, Napoleon's army destroyed the monastery. Later, confiscation laws meant that the monastery lost all its property and was reduced to a single monk. However, in 1844, the monks returned to Montserrat and reconstruction of the monastery followed in 1858, with the inauguration of a new facade of the basilica in 1901.

The cathedral and monastery of Montserrat

Destruction and reconstruction. The old making way for the new. Letting go of what no longer makes sense to my soul, and opening myself up to a new kind of music. This is what life in Barcelona in my 65th year invites.

I am listening.

The rose, the thorn and the bud

In our final evening together, curled up under cozy blankets on my couch, Sara and I sipped our tea and caught up on each other’s lives. And she asked me a question that was so beautiful that it will now become part of my daily check-in with myself and with others:

“Mamma, what was today’s rose? What was its thorn? And what is the bud?,” Sara asked.

This question came from her university days at the College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor, Maine, as an upperclasswoman leading freshmen students on their orientation adventures in the great outdoors. At the end of the day, she and the other leaders asked the young people to talk about the day’s rose (the highlights), the thorn (any challenges or misgivings) and the bud (what to look forward to next).

I smiled at her. The answer came naturally. “You and your sister are my roses, spending time with you. I can’t think of any thorns, other than that our time together has to come to an end. As for the bud—that is my next reunion with you.”

Fortunately, now that we are living in neighboring countries, Paris is a short flight (or a day’s train ride) away from Sara. I know that she and her Morrocan fiance Ilias will be here often because of his own mother living here in Barcelona, too. It is this rich cultural soup of our family life that I consider a rose in my life, too. Invited for traditional couscous at her future mother-in-law’s apartment, Sara, Marielle, Esteban and I communicated with Fatima in a mix of Spanish, French, English and Darija, the dialect of Arabic spoken in Morocco.

Delicious Moroccan couscous with family

But the language of food and warmth and love required no translation as we heaped our plates full of Fatima’s wonderful cooking and hospitality. And Sara did the honors of pouring from an impressive height sweet hot mint tea from an elegant silver pitcher into our waiting glasses.

Sara mastering the art of serving mint tea.

It was another moment. Watching Sara pour the tea, each of us lifting a glass in celebration of roses and love. I thought again of Mark Nepo and his invitation to meditate on a glass of water. “When feeling centered, drink the water slowly without hesitation. Exhale deeply and say softly to yourself:

I will hold nothing back in my effort to live. I will not hesitate to be.

LET’S CHAT: I would love to know, in your life right now, What is the rose? What is the thorn? What is the bud? Please share below.

Your Moment of Bloom: A little seed to plant a smile

Sara introduced me to the way lemurs enjoy the sun which aids in digestion. How can you not love this? Lemur-inspired yoga by the sea is my new jam.

If you’re a paid subscriber, note on your calendar the date for next month’s First Tuesday Community Call on Tues, March 4, at 9am PST/12pm EST and 6pm CET. We’ll talk for about 40 minutes about the topic of that week’s Living in 3D post or whatever is on our collective minds. Let’s make new friends, share ideas and resources and offer each other a sounding board.

Welcome all new subscribers as well as those who have been on this ride with me all along. So glad you’re here! Your subscription is an honor that brings me so much joy. I am grateful for each and every one of you. I spend many hours each week crafting these essays with an eye to what will most serve my readers’ interests. If my writing brings you value and connection, and you have the means, consider upgrading your subscription. If that isn’t in your budget, I always appreciate a nice cup of coffee! Thank you!