My word for the year and why it matters

My annual visioning and inquiry at the end of 2024 and cusp of 2025 landed on the word "discovery," a process I invite you to explore for finding your own north star.

“A troubled man, exhausted from his suffering and confusion, asked a sage for help. The sage looked deeply into the troubled man and with compassion offered him a choice: ‘You may have either a map or a boat.’ After looking at the many pilgrims about him, all of whom seemed equally troubled, the confused man said, ‘I'll take the boat.’ The sage kissed him on the forehead and said, ‘Go then. You are the boat. Life is the sea.’ As we have discovered so many times, we have everything we need within us. This ability to listen inside is our oldest oar. You are the boat.”—Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Listening inside is an art, a practice, an exploration. For many, many years I did not look that deeply inside myself. It was easier that way to get on with my life. That all changed, starting in 2021, with several major life changes: a decision to become sober, then a decision to leave my 33-year marriage when I could no longer ignore my unhappiness, and a decision to become my mother’s full-time caregiver as dementia came for her and then stole her life this past April. Had I not had the courage to go inside and start to inquire into all the parts of myself that made me me, I would not have come out the other side as strong and whole as I am today. And so as one year winds down and another beckons, I relish the opportunity to look both backwards and forwards, arriving at a word and an intention that will guide me for the new year.

The two faces of abundance

In 2024, I did this process with two live workshops with the always encouraging

Susannah Conway

, landing on “abundance” as my guiding word of the year.

Here's to A Year of Abundance with Freedom and Flow in supporting roles

I longed for abundance to open up the narrow confines of my caregiver’s life. After my mother entered a memory care facility in fall 2023, I moved into a new, beautiful apartment in December 2023, a home of my own in which to create and become reacquainted with the parts of myself that had been overwhelmed with constant caregiving. I attended a healing yoga therapy retreat in Hawaii. I was able to travel to see friends. I experienced the abundance I craved.

But there was also the uninvited abundance of grief and loss that came with my mother’s death. Abundance, freedom and flow came at a cost, as with everything in life.

I travelled the entire month of March and she died April 14, two days after my 64th birthday. I have thought so many times since, “If only I’d known we’d lose her so soon, I would not have travelled then. I would not have left her side.” Then I remember how excited she was for me to go to Hawaii and to connect with beloved friends in California, Arizona and Oregon. That helps a little to assuage the guilt I still feel, the self-forgiveness I am stretching toward, a little more each day. I took huge steps forward on that journey, quite literally, when in September I walked the Camino de Santiago across Portugal and Spain, taking vials of my mother’s ashes with me, so that her spirit could share in the abundance of the adventure.

A compass for the new year

As 2024 came to a close, my daughter

Marielle Velander

, who walked the Camino with me in her own healing journey after losing her best friend to a tragic accident, suggested we undertake this word-for-the-year search together. A friend of hers had recommended The YearCompass, a free booklet that helps you reflect on the year and plan the next one. The beautiful, challenging prompts invite us to go inside, ask deep questions of ourselves, uncover our patterns and dare to dream big for the coming year. All you need is a quiet few hours and an openness to see where this inquiry might take you.

We looked at our wisest decisions, our biggest lessons, risks and surprises, the most important things we did for others and the biggest things we completed (the 186-mile Camino a big achievement for us both!) We considered what made us most proud of ourselves, who influenced us the most and those whom we influenced. We paused at what we didn’t accomplish and our sources of gratitude.

Asked “what is the best thing I discovered about myself,” I wrote:

My inner reservoir of serenity and tranquility is how I come home to myself. Worrying, rushing, fretting, and a sense of urgency serves no one, least of all myself. I have learned how to replenish the waters of my soul through daily practices of morning pages, meditation, and the community and teachings of The Whole Soul Way.

As I reflected on my best moments, they centered on connection, community, creativity and the clarity that these three “Cs” offer. Connecting with myself and those that I love, forming community (including here on Living in 3D), and nurturing my creativity: all of this sows the ability for me to keep going inside, to learn and understand more about myself, to peel away the scared parts and see the inner child trembling there. I know how to soothe her now.

I appreciated the opportunity to focus on forgiveness and letting go. I wrote:

“I need to forgive myself for the pain and discomfort Mom felt in her final days and hours. I wanted to prevent any pain. I wanted to be her protector and I felt I failed her because those final hours were not as gentle as I would have wished. The biggest lesson I learned in 2024 was that loving and grieving my mother is more complex, takes longer and requires more self-compassion and self-forgiveness than I realized. I need to let go of the guilt. I loved her the best I could. Everything else was out of my control.”

The YearCompass asked us, “Is there anybody you would like to say goodbye to?” and both my daughter and I, quite unaware we were doing so, both wrote to my mother and her grandmother, a healing act. I thanked my mother for the signs she sends me, like the shells on the shoreline forming a heart as I walked past on a recent beach walk. She’s loving me into forgiveness.

Grief. Hope. Love.

These were the three word that defined 2024 for me. The title of my book of 2024 would be “Making Peace with the Past.” Now it is time to let go and look forward.

Welcome 2025, My Year of Discovery

In less than a month I will arrive to Barcelona to make it my home. I leave behind a decade of living in Venice, Florida, and a total of 14 years in the U.S., home of my birth but not the only home of my heart. I lived in Europe for 22 years between 1989-2010 and possess Swedish citizenship through my former marriage. I’ve always had one foot here in the U.S. and the other in Europe. Both my daughters live in Europe; one in Barcelona, the other in Paris. Many of my closest friends and family are in Stockholm, London, and all over Europe. Moving to Spain is both a homecoming to a familiar continent and a voyage of discovery.

Setting sun in Badalona, the Catalan town just outside Barcelona that will be my new home in 2025: Photo by Marielle Velander

The move to Barcelona is a decision I made in late spring of 2024 after my mother’s death. I miss my daughters dearly, with whom I am very close. That was the primary incentive. But nearly as strong was the yearning inside me for the change that entirely new surroundings would satisfy. When the YearCompass invited me to “dare to dream big” I quickly sketched a long list of how I saw 2025 unfurling: living a few minutes’ walk from my daughter’s home and the Mediterranean Sea, enjoying the cultural offerings of the great city of Barcelona, making new friends and learning a new language. Finally daring to date, to perhaps find love again.

I wrote down what I loved about myself: an unconditional love for myself I am steadily making the set point of my existence; my appetite for adventure and new beginnings at any age, and the fierce devotion to preserve the serenity and sanctity of my creative writing time.

I thought about what I was ready to let go of, what I most wanted to achieve, the people who would be my pillars during rough times and what I would dare to discover about myself. Not least, I knew what I would have the power to say no to: anything or anyone not in integrity with my core self, my values and priorities.

And so there it was, bubbling up from the surface of all these delicious, searching prompts: My word for 2025 would be Discovery. I wrote:

“This year of discovery will unfold in many different ways: discovery of a new city, new country, new friends, and new adventures but also a discovery about the ways in which I still have the potential to grow and change and enjoy my life in this final act, this last third. This unfolding—this blooming—will occur in ways I cannot predict but which I welcome with open arms. While I will take risks and explore everything available to me with my innate curiosity, I will also be open to serendipity. Most importantly, I will stay connected to my innermost self, the soul self I’ve nurtured these past few years. It will be a year of discovery while holding center.”

2025 will be my year of discovery while holding center.

From my visit to Badalona, Spain, in September 2024

I am delighted to find out that the ancient Greek word for discovery is Eureka!, an interjection used to celebrate a discovery or invention. Maybe I’ll spend 2025 shouting “eureka!” on every possible occasion, my signature exclamation. In modern usage, the word “discover” signifies “to get first sight or knowledge of,” “to ascertain,” or “to explore.” It has multiple meanings: finding something for the first time, noticing something hidden, or realizing something. Its cousin is “invent,” which I love. From etymoline, the online etymology dictionary, I learn “we discover what already exists, though to us it is unknown. We invent what did not before exist. Some things are so mixed in character that either word may be applied to them.” This makes perfect sense and makes me giddy to think about.

What’s the best that could happen?

I welcomed other sources of inquiry, all of which reaffirmed the realizations from the YearCompass. I took part in the Reflection/Direction for What’s Next workshop offered by the ever-wise and gentle soul and teacher

Elena Brower

and coach Michelle Martello. It is a 2025 planning guide that participants are invited to revisit throughout the year, in conversation with Elena and Michelle. One question Michelle posed I cannot get out of my mind, a shift in our typically glass-half-empty thinking:

Not “the worst that could happen,” but the best. As Michelle noted, “When you say that question aloud, your whole body chemistry changes.” It is you, the flower in bloom, reaching toward the sun. Some days the sun will be hidden behind the clouds but it is there all the same. Remember that.

For the past year I’ve also taken part in the Quarterly Life Design process and group coaching offered by

Deb Blum

, the founder of The Whole Soul Way, who writes

Sacred Second Half

. Here, too, I filled out a worksheet in an annual visioning and inquiry process. Each time I explore these prompts and questions it reinforces how I want to live my life, especially this question from Deb: What would I regret most at the end of my life if I didn’t prioritize it now?

Deb reminds us of The Five Regrets of the Dying written by Bonnie Ware, inspired by her time in palliative care:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

With these regrets in mind, I did not hesitate in compiling my own list of what I wanted to prioritize in 2025 and none of it had to do with the usual markers of success like wealth or climbing the career ladder. Words like “love,” “honesty,” “creativity,” “truth,” and “freedom” came up for me instead. When I drilled down, this is what emerged:

“I would regret not spending all the time I could with those I love most in the world. I would regret not being honest and my true self with those I love most and with everyone with whom I am in relationship.”

Each year I turn to “A Blessing for a New Year” by the late poet John O’Donohue. Here are the final two stanzas but do read the poem in its entirety and The Marginalian’s stunning essay about this collection, The Book of Blessings:

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN. LET’S CHAT!

I wonder what might shift in your priorities for 2025 by keeping these five regrets of the dying in mind. I’d also love to know if you do an annual visioning and inquiry practice, if you have a word/s or intention for 2025. What are you most proud of as you look back at 2024 and what excites you for 2025? Tell me all the ways in which you plan to bloom! Please share in the comments.

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